A Walk Down Memory Lane
by Angel-Xing
Summary: Read and then you'll understand....Tsukush is going to take you on a whirlwind trip down her memory lane.
1. Default Chapter

That day was the same as any other day when I decide to do some spring cleaning of my studio apartment. Armed with disinfectant and detergent I went to work with determination that I would be finished by sundown. Two hours later, I wasn't too sure. When was the last time I cleaned my apartment? I struggled to remember and then guiltily recalled that ever since I started working at the multinational advertising agency, I haven't had time to even pamper myself what more clean my apartment.  
  
I dumped my old clothes into a box which I've decided to send of for donation later and dragged it out to the front door. I'm just glad that I've finished cleaning up the living room and kitchen and now left with my room. At least it was smaller compared to the others. Yeah.right.smaller but messier. My room was my refuge. It contains not only my bed and the usual wardrobe, but also my bookshelves, study table, laptop, architect table and all my various knickknacks.  
  
Looking up at my top shelf, I decided that there would be dozens of cobwebs there by now. Because it was so high, I've always ignored that particular spot. I grabbed a ladder and started to climb and almost instantly started to sneeze with the amount of dust. Quickly grabbing my vacuum, I aimed it and pressed the on button. Next, I started to wipe all the boxes and saw that with only one swipe it had already turned black. My cloth definitely needed a wash. As I was descending the ladder, my arm accidentally knocked over a box.  
  
Bending down, I quickly picked it up to see if I've damaged anything inside. The box looked familiar and I slowly dropped all my cleaning utensils.  
  
I sat perched on the edge of my bed, faint smiles drifting across my face, as I shift through all my old photographs. With my sleeves pushed up to my elbows, I dug down into all the old memories. I held each memory briefly in my hands before dropping it onto the pile in my lap and searching for the next happy moment to remember. Each picture evoked feelings that were long gone, but not forgotten.  
  
As I continue to stroll down memory lane, I can't help but notice one photo stucked together with a silver ring in particular buried deep in the box. I plucked it from the sea of snapshots and held it in my hands. The picture was lovely. The sun was shinning and not a cloud to be seen in the bright blue sky. There I was sitting standing on the beach, with my long hair blowing in the breeze, hugging an equally happy looking guy whose arms rested casually on my shoulders looking as if it belonged there. As I focused on the person's face, the warm smile that covers my face was replaced with a sad smile. It was him. He who made me weak in my knees and have millions of butterflies fluttering in my stomach when he gave me that lazy grin of his. He who once played the most important role in my life. He who meant the world to me. He.I would give my life up for.  
  
My fingers traced the outline of his handsome face. His tousled brown hair, his brown hazel eyes, his high bridged nose to his well shaped lips. Looking at his picture gave me a rude awakening of my past. A past that I have kept well hidden in the depths of my heart. Hidden, but not forgotten. I took the ring attached to it and slipped it into my third finger. It still fit. It fitted me just like how he and I fitted together like the perfect key to a lock.  
  
My name is Makino Tsukushi. You must be wondering how old I am, unlike other women who is afraid to tell their age, I'm not. In fact, I am proud to be 26. I left Japan to work in Taipei four years ago and am now holding the position as one of the highest paid Strategic Planner in a Multinational Advertising Agency. I am satisfied with my achievement because the road to get where I am was one of the hardest one ever.  
  
My life isn't like what most people tend to perceive it as. Yes, I'm earning a 5 figure salary. Yes, I'm living in one of the posh condo's in an exclusive district in Taipei. Yes, I'm not that bad looking and Yes, I've the 6 c's everyone wished to have. Cash, Condo, Career, Credit Card, Charisma and Car. What more can a girl ask?  
  
If you think that is all I want, you are so wrong. What I wanted was simple. To spend the rest of my life with the one I loved. But fate had played a cruel game on me and now, even though I'm highly successful, I'm spend sleepless nights on my bed feeling empty.  
  
How can I forget him? I didn't. I just refused to think of him. Although hard at first, but then I managed to find a solution to it. Bury myself with work and be as busy as possible. Maybe that is why I managed to climb to my position that I am today. Maybe it's him I should thank as well.  
  
Let me take you into my memory lane. Take my hand and I'll show you my life and how simple it was for Makino Tsukushi at the age of 18. I promise you that you'll either end up with a sad smile on your face or sad tears on your cheeks. But that's not my purpose. I just want to share my experience with you. My experience with the unforgettable F4. 


	2. F4!

"Tsukushi!" A loud booming voice yelled my name, stopping me in my tracks.  
  
I whirled around to see Domyouji Tsukasa giving me an irritated look. Behind him were Nishikado Soujiro and Mimasaka Akira who were standing side by side, both sporting a lopsided grin which had girls who were passing by almost swooning. And lastly, the one who had his usual expressionless mask on his face and the cold stare which would probably turn you into ice if you didn't know it was capable to also warm you from head to toe was Hanazawa Rui who was now looking as if it was falling asleep on his feet.  
  
"Why do you have to shout so loud?" I scolded Tsukasa, stomping up to him and glaring up at him at the same time feeling a little embarrass for everyone was now staring at us.  
  
Yes, these four guys were not only drop dead gorgeous but also a whooping 183 cm each. Not only do I always have to look up to them when I have a conversation with any of them, I sometimes end up with a crick in my neck for looking up too long.  
  
I saw Tsukasa's eyes narrowing dangerously, which he always did when he was getting ready to argue with me. I folded my arms across my chest. This was my fighting stance. Rui had also told me I had that stubborn look on my face and my chin jutted out when I argue with Tsukasa but I beg to differ.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I asked coolly.  
  
"Why can't we be here?" Tsukasa shot back and I saw Soujiro and Akira shaking their heads and giving each other the look which said 'Here we go again!'  
  
"Don't tell me you guys decided to come shopping? Why don't you just hire someone to shop for you?" I couldn't but help being sarcastic to Tsukasa. The truth is, I love irritating him and seeing him all worked up. It's a funny sight to behold. Imagine a red pineapple. Yup.that's what he is when he's angry.  
  
Tsukasa rolled his eyes and started to shout back at me but Rui stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulders instantly shutting him up. It amazes me what Rui can do to a person without even looking or saying a word.  
  
"I'm hungry. Let's go eat." Tsukasa grumbled when he knew he can't win in this situation. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he turned around and started to walk. Soujiro and Akira threw me an amused smile and followed him only to bump right smack into Tsukasa's back and earned themselves an irritated glare.  
  
"Aren't you coming?" Rui's soft voice asked me. I started to come up with a million of excuses not to join them but before I could open my mouth, he grabbed my hands and pulled me along with him.  
  
The reason why I didn't want to follow them was because unlike them, I had to work and earn my living. My parents had left me to fend for myself in the city while they try to earn themselves some money in the fishing village. But I know it was no use protesting or arguing with any of the F4 once they've made up their minds. Nobody had said 'no' to them before and I doubt that they even knew what that meant.  
  
Rui gently nudged me into a chair and dropped into the seat next to mine. I found myself sitting right opposite Tsukasa and had the urge to ask Rui to change seats with me but my pride prevented me from doing so. It would definitely come off as childish and that was the last thing I wanted to look like in this sophisticated looking restaurant.  
  
"So, hardworking Virgin...what have you been up to lately?" Akira asked me and I glared at him only to receive a laugh back.  
  
"I would really appreciate it if you would stop calling me that." I said to him through clenched teeth.  
  
"What? You mean you're not anymore?" Soujiro exclaimed and I felt myself blushed. He and Akira hooted with laughter and high-fived each other.  
  
"Yuki said hi."I announced and Soujiro instantly fell quiet and the smirk on his face was wiped out completely. The whole table fell quiet and I suddenly felt like kicking myself for saying that. I should've known how much Yuki meant to Soujiro and I knew I hit him where it hurt the most.  
  
F4 and I never got off from the right foot, in fact I was one of their red tagged victims. Who would have thought I will be sitting here today, sipping coffee with the four of them? If someone had told me that I'll be good friends with them, I'll laugh in their face. The thing was, Akira and Soujiro had become more like brothers to me during this period. They had always made me laugh and protected me when I needed them.  
  
For me to say something so inconsiderate, well.let's say my moodiness isn't meant for Soujiro. He was only an innocent victim.  
  
"Sorry."I mumbled, looking at him guiltily.  
  
He looked at me and that moment of sadness in his eyes disappeared as quickly as it appeared and he gave me a big smile. I can sense that he wanted to ask me more about Yuki but something was stopping him.  
  
"Let's all go out tonight.it's been ages since we've been out." Soujiro suggested, totally ignoring the fact that I've brought up Yuki.  
  
"We were out just last week." Tsukasa pointed out, stirring his coffee.  
  
"Excatly!" He exclaimed. "Can you see how long it has been?!"  
  
I heard Rui breathe out loudly beside me and glanced at him. He was quietly sipping his own mocha latte with his eyes half closed, as if he was falling asleep.  
  
"I heard a group of models are going to be there tonight.come on.let's all go!" Akira added his two cents and Tsukasa snorted in disgust.  
  
"What for? So that they can get their claws on us?" He said scrunching up his nose as if he smelt something really bad.  
  
Akira and Soujiro were now both trying to persuade Tsukasa to go and I could seem him cracking under their persuasion. I also know that if he were to say yes it wasn't because of the models, it was because he wanted some peace and quiet.  
  
"I'm going off to work." I announced, standing up. Rui had also stood up at the same time.  
  
"I'll take you."Tsukasa and Rui said simultaneously.  
  
Akira and Soujiro stopped talking and looked at the three of us with interest.  
  
"Urm.it's alright.I can take the bus."I said, trying to break the uncomfortable moment.  
  
"I'll take her.I'm heading home for a nap anyway."Rui told the other 3 and Tsukasa sat back down looking slightly unsatisfied but he nodded.  
  
"Come.let's go."Rui helped me take the bags I was carrying and waved his goodbye to his friends.  
  
"Bye guys.see you later."I called out to them. Akira and Soujiro waved happily to me while Tsukasa mumbled a reluctant goodbye. 


	3. A Broken Dam

The ride to my work place was a quiet one. I wasn't complaining, in fact I was thankful as my mind was too occupied for me to do something else, even talk.  
  
"Tsukushi."Rui's gentle voice pulled me from my reverie and I tore myself from the window and looked at him.  
  
The instant I looked into his eyes, I regretted it. As usual, he read me like an open book.  
  
"I don't understand.sometimes he acts like the old Tsukasa and sometimes it's like looking at someone new.he makes me so confused."I blurted out, looking down sadly at my hands.  
  
"Give him time.maybe he'll remember."Rui tried to reason with me but I shook my head.  
  
"If he was to remember.he would have 2 months ago. He remembered you, he remembered Akira and Soujiro. He even remembered Yuki.what I can't understand is how he can't remember me." I told him bitterly.  
  
I hate it when Rui manage to not say anything and make me lay my life out for him in the open. But on the other hand, I always felt better after talking to him. He was my rock, my strength and most of all my guardian angel. Without him, I sometimes wonder where I would be by now.  
  
At the corner of my eyes, I saw his long graceful fingers reached out for mine and clasped onto them, making me feel slightly better.  
  
"At least he has now accepted you as a friend."He attempted to reassure me but I knew better.  
  
"I know.at least being friends with him is better than being his enemy."I gave him a weak smile.  
  
"It's just that.when I decided to let go, he does something that only the old Tsukasa will.and then.he'll go do something so unlike Tsukasa." I frowned and looked at Rui. "Do you know what I mean? I don't even know what I'm saying.forget it."I said confusing myself with my own words.  
  
"I understand what you mean Tsukushi.I always do."he squeezed my hands and once again, I felt calmness overcoming me.  
  
"Remember what I told you Rui?" I asked him and he nodded.  
  
"I'm giving up.I'm letting him go.I need to move on with my life.our love was a mistake from the beginning. Just look at all the troubles and pain we had to overcome from the very beginning. Now, is the final blow. I do not have the strength anymore to fight fate. I need peace in my life now.I want to work and support myself.I want to live a life without anymore worries and tears." I said adamantly while Rui just looked at me keeping quiet.  
  
"I always imagined love to be something calm and peaceful, romantic and blissful. But with Tsukasa it was like experiencing a hurricane and then a tornado and then an earthquake."  
  
"I have cried enough tears for Tsukasa and had let my heart bled for him. I think it's time for me to stop and accept him for who he is right now and be his friend."  
  
Unconsciously, I was gripping Rui's hands tightly and noticed it when I was done voicing out my opinion. It was only when I looked down and saw the red marks I left on his hands I let go.  
  
"Sorry."I muttered and he smiled. "Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" I scolded softly.  
  
"The pain I feel on my hands isn't as painful as the pain you feel in here."he said pointing to my heart.  
  
"Thank you Rui.for always being there for me."  
  
"I told you before.I'll always protect you and be here for you." the words he said suddenly broke open a dam in me and tears started to flow out.  
  
"Silly girl.I thought you said you are done with crying."he gently wiped away my tears with his fingers.  
  
He didn't know that this time my tears weren't for Tsukasa but for him. Hanazawa Rui had been my first love. Sometimes I wonder, if it wasn't for Tsukasa, would my friendship with Rui blossom into something deeper? But then again, Tsukasa thought me how to love and what sacrifice was all about. Day by day, Tsukasa managed to wiggle his way into my heart, claiming almost a big portion of it. It was then I began to fall helplessly in love with him. I fell in love with his childish ways, his own sweetness and the way he showed his love for me. If only fate didn't play its cruel trick on us.  
  
Akira and Soujiro once told me, wouldn't it be better if I had just gone with Rui. I have to admit, there were nights where I lay on my bed pondering about that. Being with Rui would be different. It would definitely be more peaceful. But I do not regret being with Tsukasa. Not even for a minute, not even for a second.  
  
I know that somewhere inside Rui, he cared deeply for me like how he used to care for Shizuka. I watched him chase after his love, only to come back heartbroken. But by then, I was already with Tsukasa and there was nothing I could do. Except give him my support as a friend.  
  
Hanazawa Rui.you don't know this but that special place you held in my heart will always be yours no matter what.  
  
"Tsukushi."Rui waved his hands in front of my face.  
  
"Huh?" I looked at him and he pointed to something behind me.  
  
"We're here."he told me with a slightly amused look.  
  
I turned to look and realized we've reached my work place. I glanced at my watch and I almost had a heart attack. I WAS LATE!  
  
"Darn!" I started to gather my bags and quickly hopped out of the car and started to dash into the shop to avoid any further trouble I was already in with my manager.  
  
"Tsukushi!" Rui called my name and I turned to look at him annoyed for slowing me down.  
  
"You forgot this."He was holding a bag of clothes in one hand and I hastily grabbed it from him and rushed in.  
  
"Makino Tsukushi! Where have you been!" A shrill voice filled the shop as I stepped in. I cringed slightly and then quickly plastered on my most apologetic look.  
  
"Sorry Ms.Akio." I bowed down slightly and heard her harrumphed loudly.  
  
"One more time and that's it..you're always late.where's the clothes?" She demanded and I held out the bags to her.  
  
"Go arrange it on the shelves." She turned around and walked away not noticing that I stuck my tongue out at her.  
  
I was actually lucky to get a job in this boutique. Finding a job which paid this high was rare these days with the economic being so poor. I definitely can't afford to loose this job as it paid for my rent. I sighed and quickly went to work. Domyouji Tsukasa and Hanazawa Rui pushed to the back of my mind.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------- Hmm...I hope you guys caught my hint earlier on. Remember how Tsukasa wasn't the one who grabbed Tsukushi's hand but it was Rui? And...how Soujiro and Akira teased Tsukushi and Tsukasa didn't bother to stand up for her? How he didn't talk much to her and fuss over her like before? Well...i don't know where the story will lead...nor do i know who she'll end up with...we'll see as time goes on... Thanks for giving comments!!!") 


	4. A friend in me

I hurriedly left my workplace after locking up and ran to the bus stop only to see it leave without me. Great, I've to wait for at least half an hour for the next one to arrive. I contemplated walking home but honestly, I was too tired. Ms.Akio was in a bad mood today, making me the victim of her tantrums. She made me clean almost the whole shop even though it was spick and span twice. Not only that, she also made me rearrange the entire storeroom which took me at least 4 hours.  
  
Right now, I can almost hear my bed calling me back home. The only thing I want to do is to take a hot shower and fall onto my bed and sleep. Under the dim light illuminating from the lamp post, I glanced at my watch and saw that it was close to 10:30. Sighing softly to myself, I sat on the uncomfortable bench praying that the bus would arrive soon.  
  
Glancing around, I realized that the street was almost deserted and I was basically the only person sitting at the bus stop. With a night like this, I couldn't help my mind from imagining horrible things happening to me. Images of ghost and rapist started to appear in my mind. I snapped my eyes shut and started to sing loudly. That was something I do when I was afraid. My philosophy, if I don't see you, you don't see me and maybe my horrible singing will scare them away.  
  
Suddenly, I felt someone or something tapping my shoulders and I braced myself to run or give them my famous flying kick. I decided to count to three and if that tapping doesn't stop, whoever was tapping me will be dead. One.two.three! My feet connected to body.  
  
"OUCH!!!" A familiar voice groaned loudly and my eyes flew open.  
  
There I saw, lying on his back and rubbing his stomach was no other than Akira.  
  
"Oh my goodness.I'm sorry.I thought you were."I quickly helped him up to his feet.  
  
"Do you greet your friends that way?" Akira grumbled still rubbing his stomach.  
  
My eyes narrowed and I hit him on his arms. Hard. "Who asked you to sneak up on me? How would I know it was you?" I scolded.  
  
"I did tap your shoulders! You were the one ignoring me!" He protested, now rubbing his arms. "And you hit me again after your tremendous flying kick."  
  
"I." I started to say something, but suddenly everything started to spin, even Akira's face seemed to look weird.  
  
The next minute I knew, Akira was holding me in his arms and lightly tapping my face.  
  
"Tsukushi? Are you alright?" He asked, this time his face was full of concern compared to the annoyed look he had on earlier.  
  
"I guess so.what happened?" I sat up and noticed that we were still at the bus stop.  
  
"You fainted." He told me and helped me stand up. "When was the last time you ate?"  
  
I tried to remember when the last time I ate was and honestly, I couldn't remember. "Breakfast?" I answered hesitantly and I saw his eyebrows shot up.  
  
"What are you trying to do? Kill yourself? You're already so thin! Wait.I know.you're on a diet like all those girls huh?" He winked at me and I shook my head.  
  
"The last thing I want to do is diet.I just didn't have anytime to eat." I said.  
  
"Come, let's go get you some food."He grabbed my hand and dragged me to his car.  
  
Usually, I would protest but there wasn't any strength left in my body to talk so I allowed him to pack me into his sports car and buckle my seat belt for me.  
  
"Where are we going to eat? Every where is closed by now." I stated weakly.  
  
"My house of course!" Akira announced as if I've just asked a stupid question.  
  
I frowned at him, to tired to speak and then leaned my head back against the head rest. I decided not to argue with him; after all, it would only fall on deaf ears. As I said before, F4 doesn't have the word 'No' in their vocabulary.  
  
With Akira's driving, we reached his house in what would usually take any normal driver 15 minutes in less than 10 minutes. The worst thing was, his driving made me feel more woozy then I had been before.  
  
Akira, being the gentlemen he was, helped me out of the car and practically carried me into his house shouting orders to the first maid he saw who scurried away and disappeared into one of the many doors.  
  
He placed me gently on the couch and sat down next to me. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked.  
  
"No.I'm fine."I said, closing my eyes.  
  
"Tsukushi.what are you trying to do?" Akira suddenly asked me, his voice serious.  
  
I glanced at him and saw a serious expression on his face, something really rare compared to his happy-go-lucky personality. "What do you mean?"  
  
He sighed softly and ran his fingers thru his hair. "Ever since Tsukasa lost his memory.you had been working yourself to death."Akira said in a soft voice and I looked down at my feet. "It's just not right Tsukushi.you'll kill yourself that way. Look how thin you are now and how tired you look."  
  
"I'm fine."I muttered.  
  
"No, you're not."He exclaimed. "Here."He took my arms and pull me to a standing position and walked me towards a mirror. "Look at yourself. Is this the Makino Tsukushi that we've come to love?"  
  
I looked at myself in the mirror and for once in my lifetime, I almost didn't recognize myself. I was sporting black eye bags and my skin was pasty and pale. Akira was right, I was killing myself.  
  
"I know you're closer to Rui and I've never been someone you come to with your problems. But I want you to know, that I'll always be here for you." Akira turned me around to face him and I nodded, touched by what he just said.  
  
"Thank you."I hugged him tightly.  
  
"Tsukushi.everything will work out fine.trust me."Akira whispered into my hair. I really wanted to believe him that everything will work out eventually, but I knew better. Tsukasa will never remember me or the love we had.  
  
The maid appeared at the door, announcing that the food was ready and we headed towards the dining hall. My eyes widened at the amount of food that decorated the long dining table.  
  
"Are you feeding an army or what?" I teased as I took the seat opposite him.  
  
"Nope.just trying to nourish my friend back to its healthy weight." He answered and dumped a piece of chicken on my plate.  
  
I never knew that a simple piece of fried chicken can taste so good. The next thing I knew, the food which I complained to be too much earlier was almost half gone and I could practically hear my stomach purr in contentment.  
  
"That was good."I told Akira with a satisfied grin on my face.  
  
"Now.head upstairs and have a good rest." Akira stood up and started to walk out of the dining hall.  
  
"Eh.wait!" I called out. "Aren't you going to send me home?" I asked.  
  
"No.it's already late.why don't you just crash in one of the guest room" He suggested.  
  
"But I have school tomorrow." I protested.  
  
"Tomorrow is Saturday my dear girl." He crossed his arms over his broad chest and gave me the look which told me it was the end of discussion.  
  
"Come on.I'll show you to your room."  
  
I followed him up the grand staircase reluctantly and he opened a door, revealing a cozy looking room which was as big as my whole entire apartment.  
  
"My room is next to yours, if there's anything, just holler." He leaned against the door looking at me as I took in the beautiful decorated room. "Good night.and sleep tight."he said finally and closed the door behind him.  
  
After washing myself up in the bathroom, I climbed into the huge bed and sank into it comfortably. The minute my head touched the pillow, I was a goner. 


	5. Reality

*Knock Knock*  
  
A loud knocking pulled me rudely from my slumber and I opened my eyes, blinking at the sudden brightness.  
  
Was it the landlord again? Didn't I pay my rent a few weeks ago? I thought to myself hazily, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I looked around and remembered that I was sleeping in Akira's guestroom.  
  
I climbed out of the bed and hurriedly open the door before the person who was knocking on it banged it down.  
  
Akira hand stopped mid air as he saw me staring up at him and his handsome face broke out in a big smile.  
  
"Good morning!" He called out cheerfully. In my opinion, too early to be so cheerful. "No, wait.good afternoon!" he corrected himself quickly.  
  
"What time is it?" I asked grumpily.  
  
"1:30"  
  
"1:30!!! I'm so dead! I need to work!" I exclaimed, almost panicking myself to death.  
  
Akira put a hand on my shoulders to calm me down. "Tsukushi.I've already applied leave for you." He told me and I almost fainted.  
  
"YOU WHAT!?!" I screamed. Images of Ms.Akio sinister laugh came flying in my mind as she prepared to fire me. Me lugging my small luggage onto the streets when I had no place to live..  
  
"Tsukushi!!!" Akira called my name and I wanted to wipe that smile off his face. He was the reason why I was going to loose my only job!  
  
"Mimasaka Akira.I'm going to kill you."I told him through gritted teeth and saw his eyes widened as he recognized my angry look and started to run.  
  
"Tsukushi! I was just trying to help!!!" He shouted as I chased after him. "You needed your rest!"  
  
"Arggghhh!!!" I screamed in frustration. Who was I kidding? I will never catch him. Compare his legs and mine and I'll definitely loose by a long shot. But the weed spirit in me refuses to give up and I started to speed up only to bump into something or someone.  
  
"OW!" I cried out, falling to the floor.  
  
A strong arm helped pull me up to my feet while I rubbed my arms painfully. I looked up to see who had helped me up and saw Rui looking at me with what I think was amusement sparkling in his eyes.  
  
Standing next to him was Soujiro, grinning at me and of course, behind him was Akira who was trying to use his friend as his shield.  
  
Totally forgetting about the others, I glared at Akira. "How could you make such decision for me!" I screamed at him and he winced. "I could get fired! Where would I find money to pay my rent? Would you be happy if you see me wondering the streets without a roof over my head?!"  
  
"Tsukushi.you know we wouldn't let that happen to you."Soujiro said calmly trying to help smooth the situation out but one glare at him shut him up instantly.  
  
"Come on, let's go get you washed up and head out for lunch." Rui took my arm and dragged me up the stairs before I could say anything. Maybe it was for the best as I could take some time to blow off some steam in the bath.  
  
I opened my door and sat moodily on my bed while Rui silently walked over and sat next to me.  
  
"Tsukushi, I got something to tell you." He suddenly said, breaking the silence. I looked up at him and saw something in his eyes which I knew I wouldn't like. The seriousness of his tone also sent shivers down my spine.  
  
"Last night, Tsukasa."Rui started to say, but for once, I saw him lost for words.  
  
"What is it Rui? You're scaring me.." I told him softly. The only time I saw him like this was when Tsukasa was laying on the hospital. " Is Tsukasa alright?" I asked him, panicking slightly.  
  
"No.he's fine."he quickly told me and my heartbeat return to his normal rate.  
  
"Then?" I asked him expectantly.  
  
"Well.last night, Tsukasa was introduced to Okawahara Shigeru."  
  
"Okawahara."that name sounded familiar. "They practically own the oil industry right?" I remembered reading it on the newspapers somewhere.  
  
Rui nodded. "Yes. Shigeru is the daughter and heir to the Okawahara's and is now the fiancé of Tsukasa." he said slowly and suddenly, I felt as if the rug had been pulled under my feet as the reality of his words sank in slowly.  
  
"Fiance..?" I repeated softly, turning pale. "I thought it was best you knew now then later."  
  
I stood up and tried to give him a shaky smile. "That's good for Tsukasa! I should congratulate him.finally a girl is willing to marry that pineapple head." I exclaimed clapping my hands together.  
  
Rui continued to watch me and I knew he didn't believe a single thing about the front I put on, but kept quiet about it. He knew me too well but I needed to pretend. To lie to myself that I was alright. My mind told me that I should let Tsukasa go and my heart also know that. But why did it still hurt to hear him engaged to someone else?  
  
"Tsukushi."Rui reached out to take my hand and I quickly turn and ran to the bathroom.  
  
"I'll take a quick shower and be out in 5 minutes." I slammed the bathroom door shut behind me and leaned against it. Tears started to flow down easily as I slid down to the floor. The reality of letting Tsukasa was sinking in, and it was sinking in hard and painful.  
  
I don't know how long I sat there on the floor crying, but when I was done, I did feel slightly better. I'm sure I took more than 5 minutes and took a quick shower. When I open the bathroom door, I half expected to see the room empty, but Rui sat on the wing chair, staring out the window at the sky.  
  
"Sometimes, crying will make you feel better Tsukushi.you're human too.let the feelings you've bottled up inside out."He said, his back facing me.  
  
I walked up to him and as if he sensed me, he turned to face me. Without saying a word, I fell into his open arms and started to sob. He stroked my back gently and I suddenly felt thankful to have him by my side. To have him as my rock.  
  
"You're so skinny."Rui commented after my sobbing subsided. I pulled away from him and gave him a small smile. "Let's go eat, I'm sure Akira and Soujiro must be wondering where are we." he said and I nodded.  
  
When we walk down the stairs, Akira had a frown on his forehead and I knew that Soujiro had just told him about Tsukasa's engagement. They were whispering furiously at each other and stopped when they saw Rui and I walk down the stairs. Soujiro and Rui looked at each other and I saw Rui nod slightly and Soujiro quickly looked at me with concern written on his face.  
  
Akira looked as if he wanted to walk towards me but Soujiro grabbed is shirt and shook his head.  
  
"Guys.I'm fine alright!" I announced, hating to be treated as if they were walking on broken glass around me. "Aren't we going to eat? I'm hungry." I told Rui and headed out the front door with the 3 following me behind dumbfounded. 


	6. Running away

For the next few weeks, I buried myself in work with a vengeance. Even Ms.Akio couldn't find any fault or reason to yell at me. I came to work on time, took double shifts, clean the place from top to bottom and arrange all the stocks and shelved it, I left late and didn't take any off days. I only went home to sleep and then get up early and rush off to work.  
  
Basically, I haven't heard from F4 since the day I found out about Tsukasa's engagement. Soujiro and Akira have been trying to contact me but I always came up with some excuse that I was busy. I deliberately switched off my hand phone when I was home so I wouldn't have to receive any phone calls. Rui had shown up at my work place a couple of times but I told him I was really busy and he would leave for awhile only to come back with a bento box for me and quietly leave again. He would do this everyday. He'll come, leave a bento box and then like the wind; he'll leave without saying a word.  
  
I know I'm avoiding the three of them because I didn't want to hear anything about Tsukasa's engagement. But who am I kidding; the engagement was the most publicized thing at the moment. Whichever TV channel I switched too, there it was, Tsukasa's and Okiwahara Shigeru's engagement staring right back at me. Whenever I flipped through a magazine or newspaper, there they were again, back to haunt me.  
  
The first few days was bad, I felt as if the whole world was crashing down on me and all I wanted to do was curl up and cry. Memories of Tsukasa and I were the main players on my mind, then I remembered the conversation I had with Rui in the car and after 4 days of crying and self pity, I picked myself up and brushed off those tears.  
  
I locked up the shop as usual and got ready to go home. Stepping out from the shop, I found myself face to face with Rui.  
  
"Rui! What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise.  
  
He shrugged and gave me a small smile. "I came to pick you up." He answered simply.  
  
"It's alright, I can take the bus." I pointed to the bus stop but he didn't stop looking at me.  
  
"Accompany me for dinner?" The way he said it was more like a statement instead of a question.  
  
I contemplated for a moment. If I went with him, I had to face reality, but how long can I run from it? Finally, I nodded and followed him to his car.  
  
As usual, the car ride was a quiet event. We reached a quaint but cozy little restaurant with very few people. Very unlike the restaurants F4 and I used to visit.  
  
"I stumbled across this restaurant a few days ago.the food here isn't too flash but its tasty."Rui said as if he read my thoughts. He led me to a quiet little table at the corner of the restaurant and we sat down. The waiter came and Rui gave him our orders before disappearing behind the kitchen doors.  
  
"You look tired."Rui stated, with concern in his eyes.  
  
I looked down at the candle which was flickering and kept quiet.  
  
"Thank you for the bento box."  
  
Rui sighed softly and leaned back against his chair. "You always took care of everyone; it's time for someone to take care of you."  
  
I glanced up at him and I knew he could know what was going on inside me. He always could.  
  
"Tsukushi, don't you think it's time for you to face reality? You've been avoiding us like the plaque. Sooner or later you."  
  
"I know alright Rui, I know." I cut him off mid sentence. "For once I just wanted to be Makino Tsukushi. Not the Tsukushi that everyone sees as strong and independent. I'm human too. .I have feelings."I told him, tears threatening to spill.  
  
Rui reached out and took one of my hands which were clutching the glass of water tightly. "That's why I'm here Tsukushi."he told me, looking me in the eyes. "I'll always be here for you, to be your strength when you're weak and to wipe away those tears."  
  
"I'm just so sick and tired of always having my heartbroken Rui. I'm sick and tired of being sad, I'm sick and tired of crying and I'm sick and tired of living this life.."I told him frustrated.  
  
"Then let's go on a holiday."  
  
The way he said it made it sound so simple and I gave him a bitter laugh. But he was having a serious expression on his face.  
  
"Are you serious?" I asked and he nodded. "Even if I want to, I don't have the money and as I said before, I can't afford to loose my job."  
  
"My family has a holiday home up North, its really beautiful, come take a break with me. A week or two won't make you loose your job. The way you've been working for the past few weeks would make up for it." Rui pointed out.  
  
Honestly, I was almost 85% convinced. The bigger part of me wants to throw everything away and just take a break but the other part, which was what I called my responsibility side just can't seem to let it go. The waiter arrived with our food and I was secretly thankful that I didn't have to answer Rui.  
  
The minute I placed my spaghetti in my mouth, I realized how long it was before I actually had a proper meal. It tasted so good and I closed my eyes to savor the rich taste of the carbonara sauce in my mouth.  
  
"Here, try this."Rui said when I opened my eyes again and placed almost half his portion of pasta on my plate. It would consider a big sacrifice for him, a food lover to actually give me half his food. The Rui I knew would never share his food with anyone. Period.  
  
"Why do you always have to be so nice to me?" I asked him suddenly, placing my fork down.  
  
I saw a flicker of emotions in his eyes but it was gone as quick as it came making me think I was imagining, but I was sure it wasn't my mind playing tricks on me. Rui stared at me for a long time when he finally answered me.  
  
"Because Tsukushi, people like me also have someone they want to care and protect."  
  
A simple statement, but it made melted my heart and that was all it took to make me cry again.  
  
Rui looked up when he saw me sniffling and placed his fork and spoon down. "The last thing I want for you is to cry Tsukushi." He said, taking his napkin reached over to wipe away my tears. "For once, I would like to see your smile again."  
  
I tried to give him a smile, but I couldn't. "I'm sorry." I whispered, looking down at my half eaten food.  
  
He kept quiet for a long time, as if reading my mind or trying to give me time to calm down. "Come on, eat up. .after this, I want to take you somewhere." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------- 


	7. Meeting Shigeru

"Rui, what are we doing here?" I demanded, stopping in my tracks.  
  
Rui turned to look at me, under the moonlight, his face was expressionless but handsome. "Facing reality." He answered me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
I glanced at the huge mansion behind him and I sighed. "Yeah, but.."  
  
"I'm here Tsukushi..don't worry.."Rui told me gently, taking my hands in his.  
  
It was then I knew no matter what, as long as Hanazawa Rui was by my side, I'll be alright. I gave him a small smile and straighten my shoulders. "You're right.it's time for me to face them." I said with determination and earned myself a smile from him which would have sent many girls swooning.  
  
Together, we walked into the Domyouji's mansion hand in hand. The butler led us to one of the lavishly decorated living room. Being in Tsukasa's house brought back memories which I wanted so much to forget. As if sensing my discomfort, Rui gently squeezed my hands.  
  
The minute we stepped into the room, my eyes fell on Tsukasa who was talking to a girl whom I recognized as Okawahara Shigeru, his fiancé. They seemed to be talking intimately, his head bent down towards her, whispering into her ears as she giggled. I looked away quickly and saw Rui glancing down at me.  
  
His eyes seemed to tell me that I'll be alright, but my heart wasn't too sure. It's true that the pain I felt isn't as painful as before, in fact I felt more uncomfortable than hurt. Maybe he was right, I am getting over Tsukasa.  
  
"Tsukushi!!!" Akira's cheerful voice called from the other end of the room, attracting everyone's attention. I saw him almost hopping over and gave me a big hug, surprising me. "My favorite hard working virgin!" He exclaimed and I threw him a deadly look which he ignored.  
  
"Tsukushi! Rui!" Soujiro appeared behind Akira giving a pat on Rui's shoulders. "What took you so long?" he asked.  
  
Rui didn't reply, but instead shrugged his shoulders. "Tsukushi.where have you been? We missed you."Soujiro told me with sincerity.  
  
"I've been working."  
  
Akira slung a careless arm around Rui's shoulder and started to drag him towards the couch. As I felt Rui's hands slip away from mind, I began to panic. It was as if, I was loosing my wall and my support. I started to follow Rui but suddenly, Tsukasa stood in front of me with his fiancé by his side.  
  
"Tsukushi.where have you been?" he asked as I looked into those familiar brown eyes of his.  
  
"Urm."  
  
"Never mind, meet Okawahara Shigeru.."Tsukasa pointed to the girl standing next to him who had a friendly smile on her face.  
  
I've seen her on TV and the magazines and if she was pretty there, she was beautiful in real life. I stared at her mesmerized until I felt Soujiro nudge me lightly from behind only did I noticed her outstretched hands.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry...nice to meet you..I'm Makino Tsukushi..but you can call me Tsukushi.."I stammered and shook her hands.  
  
"I know who you are, I've heard tons about you from these four guys. Call me Shigeru."She gave a twinkling laugh and I saw Tsukasa wrap one arm around her slim waist.  
  
I quickly looked away and my eyes caught Rui's who was looking at me and I gave him a small nod to tell him I'm alright.  
  
"Come, let's leave these guys to catch up and you and I can have a girl to girl talk." Shigeru said, locking her arms with mine and dragging me towards the balcony.  
  
Not a good idea. This was where Tsukasa showed me the meteor shower. I closed my eyes to push the memory out from my mind and opened it to see Shigeru looking up at the sky with a blissful smile on her face. The smile of a woman in love, and I've a very good idea who the person she was in love with.  
  
"I envy you Tsukushi."she suddenly said and I was honestly surprised. She was envious of me?  
  
I guess my expression showed my surprise and she laughed. "Akira and Soujiro was right, you are really an adorable person."  
  
"Are we talking about the same Akira and Soujiro here?" I asked and she laughed again.  
  
"You know why I envy you?" She asked and I shook my head.  
  
"The day I was introduced to Tsukasa, we instantly clicked. He told me about his 3 best friends and I knew how important they were to him. Then he mentioned you and I wondered what role you played in his life. Although he can't remember you, he told me there was something inside him that told him you were as important as the other 3 or maybe more." Shigeru started to explain.  
  
"When I met Akira, Soujiro and Rui, my feeling was confirmed. There was nothing more important to Tsukasa then these 3 guys. In fact, I knew that in his life, I'll probably come in second and they will always be first to him. Almost instantly, they started to talk about you, Tsukushi." She turned to look at me and sat down next to me. "I can see it in their eyes you held a special place in each of their hearts. Even though Rui didn't say much, and was cold to me, the mention of your name brought a gentle softness in his eyes. Up till today, he hasn't said more than 10 words to me."  
  
"Don't blame Rui please, he's like this. He'll talk."I started to stand up for Rui, trying to explain his behavior but she shook her head.  
  
"It's alright, I understand. Tsukasa explained it to me."  
  
We fell into comfortable silence, my heart suddenly at peace. I didn't know why but I somehow knew that if anyone could bring happiness to Tsukasa, it would be her. Now I knew what they meant when they said that if you loving someone are about seeing them happy.  
  
"Sorry if I talked and babbled too much, I don't have many friends."Shigeru said softly.  
  
"It's alright.you didn't talk too much." I said patting her hands.  
  
"I've a feeling we'll be great friends!" She exclaimed suddenly, grabbing me and hugging me. "I got an idea.can you help me with my wedding arrangements?"  
  
I looked at her speechless. "Please Tsukushi? I don't know who to ask and you know Tsukasa better than I do.." She begged.  
  
"Alright.I will."I finally gave in and instantly hated myself for being so soft and easily influenced.  
  
Shigeru let out a happy laugh and thanked me profusely as if I offered her 1 million dollars instead of my help. I couldn't help but laugh at this girl who reminded me a lot about someone I knew very well. Myself. That was the reason why I can't help liking her.  
  
"Tsukushi?" Rui suddenly appeared at the door and we both looked up. "Are you ready to leave?" he asked and I nodded, standing up.  
  
"So soon?" Shigeru tugged at my hands looking disappointed.  
  
"It is late and she needs to rest." Rui answered for me and she pouted slightly letting my hands go reluctantly.  
  
"Alright...goodnight Tsukushi.."She said and I smiled.  
  
"Good night Shigeru."  
  
Rui held the door open for me as I walked out and closed it behind him. "Tsukushi.."  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Tsukasa wants to have a word with us.."  
  
"Now?" I asked, my eyes growing bigger and felt my heart skipped a beat.  
  
Rui nodded and took my hands and led me towards the study room. We walked into the room and I saw Akira and Soujiro sitting side by side on a couch while Tsukasa leaned casually against the table.  
  
"Come, sit.."Tsukasa pointed to the love seat. Rui and I dropped down next to each other.  
  
Tsukasa took a deep breathe and started to talk. "I don't know why, but these past few days, I've been having flashes of the past." As he said those words, he looked at me and I paled drastically.  
  
"It's like a jigsaw puzzle and I can't seem to put two and two together. Rui, I remembered how you protected Tsukushi when she was red tagged and it got me mad. But I still can't remember how Tsukushi became one of our best friends." Tsukasa had a frown on his face and I suddenly felt Rui's hands on mine. I looked down at his hands holding mine and only then did I realize I was shaking.  
  
"Anyway, whatever it is, I want to tell you guys that I won't go looking for the past but instead let it come to me naturally. If I remember, I remember.if I don't.then.I don't."  
  
Akira suddenly stood up. "Tsukasa, how can you have that attitude? Don't you know how important Tsukushi."  
  
"Akira. Enough." Rui said loudly and sternly. Akira stopped talking and sat down reluctantly knowing not to argue with Rui.  
  
"Whatever it is, Shigeru is now my fiancé and soon to be wife in about 2 months. I hope you guys will be my best man.."Tsukasa continued as we all kept silent. "I know that although you've been trying very hard to befriend Shigeru, I can still sense hostility from all of you, especially Rui." He looked at Rui who stared back without flinching or blinking.  
  
"I don't know why, but I think I've fallen in love with Shigeru.."Tsukasa broke eye contact with Rui and looked at me. "Tsukushi, I'm so sorry I can't remember you. No matter what Rui, Akira and Soujiro have been telling me about how much I used to love you, I still can't remember..I hope you understand that now my heart belongs to Shigeru and not you anymore..and I really hope we can be the best of friends."  
  
I heard a gasp and realized it came from me. Akira and Soujiro threw me a worried glance. This time Rui stood up, pulling me up to my feet.  
  
"Tsukasa."I called his name and let go of Rui's hand. I walked slowly towards Tsukasa and stood in front of him. "Congratulations." I said, sticking my hands out. "I wish you and Shigeru happiness and don't worry..I'll always be your friend."  
  
Although it hurt me a lot to say it, I felt better. This was what letting go really meant. Tsukasa stared at me for a long time when he suddenly hugged me. The tears that threatened to spill now started to flow down my cheeks.  
  
"Thank you Tsukushi......."he said softly and I hugged him tighter. It felt so good to be in his arms again, to hug and smell that familiar musky smell of his after shave. Even if it was the last time, I was happy.  
  
I pulled away from Tsukasa and I saw him frown a little but he shook his head slightly and gave me a big smile.  
  
Rui walked towards me and took my hand. "I think we should leave now." he said to me and I nodded. "I'll call you guys tomorrow..."he called over his shoulders to his 3 friends.  
  
I waved good bye to Akira who had an unhappy frown on his forehead. "Call me Tsukushi!" he said and I nodded.  
  
Soujiro on the other hand was giving me a sad smile. 


	8. The art of letting go

"Tsukushi, it might hurt now but it'll get better. Time would heal all wounds." Rui's gentle voice broke through the heavy silence on the ride back home.  
  
I tore my gaze from the window and looked at him and wondered how he never ceased to read my mind accurately for the millionth time.  
  
"Rui, you're right...I needed to face reality. Now I can sleep better. Although it hurt to see the person I once loved tell me he loves another.but I'll be fine. As long as he's happy." I told him.  
  
"You know, I thought I would die if I ever had to face him a few days ago, but I can honestly say now that I'll be fine."  
  
He turned to look at me; his mesmerizing eyes stared into mine in the dark, as if searching for something. "Have you thought about my proposition?" he suddenly asked.  
  
"What proposition?"  
  
"About going on a holiday with me."  
  
I totally forgot about that! "I don't know Rui, my job..." I answered hesitantly.  
  
"You don't have to worry about that, I'll take care of that." Rui said. "It's time for you to take a break...you need it..."  
  
I kept quiet for awhile, it was true, I needed a break...and I needed it so badly. My body and mind was already screaming for a rest.  
  
"Okay...just be sure that if I loose my job you'll have to take care of me for the rest of your life." I answered after some time, with a tinge of humor in my voice.  
  
Rui didn't reply but he didn't laugh either. All he did was stare at me which made me feel slightly uncomfortable for the first time ever.  
  
"Good night Tsukushi..."He finally said and I nodded. It was my cue to get out of the car.  
  
"Good night Rui..." I whispered before getting out of the car and walking into my little house.  
  
I opened my room door and flopped down on my bed. My life had always been simple. I had a caring but weird mother and father, I received all the love I could get, I had good and caring friends and I was happy. That was until I met F4.  
  
Flipping on my stomach, I grabbed my teddy bear and stared at its scrunched up face. "Mr.Bear...what am I to do? How did my life get so complicated?" I sighed loudly. "I think the only good thing about today was that I am able to face Tsukasa and found out that I can let go. But why am I feeling...I don't know what I am feeling....argh!"  
  
I sat up and looked around my room. There were knick knacks of Tsukasa's gifts strewn around. Things that I had held so closely to my heart only to bring me pain every single time I looked at it. It was time, time for me to pack up the past and move on with the future. The first item I picked was a photo of me and Tsukasa. Even in the picture, we looked as if we were arguing.  
  
I remembered the time we took this picture. Akira had just bought a new camera and we were all taking pictures for fun. Tsukasa wasn't too happy that I had taken a picture with Rui and Soujiro individually. As usual, we started bickering and didn't stop until Akira stepped in and tried to make us take a picture with each other. Of course we did it reluctantly, resulting with the only picture Tsukasa and I ever took to be the reminder of the kind of relationship we had.  
  
After that, I took of the meteor chain I've worn all this while and with the picture, I placed it in the box. Next, I took the bouquet of flowers he had given me, air ticket stubs for remembrance and every little knick knacks which reminded me of him was not spared and dumped into the box.  
  
Finally, my hands came to rest on a brown book. My diary. I started this diary when I met F4. In it, I wrote all my frustrations and anger when I was red tagged and then slowly, my writings changed its tone and manner to confusion about my relationship with Rui and Tsukasa and then finally love. Flipping through it, I also realized when I was with Tsukasa, we had argued almost every single time we met. The words I've written were punctuated with a lot of exclamation marks, and 'Baka', 'Pineapple head', 'Idiot' and 'Stupid', then at the bottom, I realized my writing became more peaceful and serene. This was how I felt after I went running to Rui every time I had a fight with Tsukasa and how he would calm me down.  
  
Closing the book, I decided, this diary shouldn't go into the box. I placed it back into my drawer and walked back to my bed, where the box laid. I took a deep breathe and closed the lid, saying my last goodbye to Tsukasa and slid it under my bed.  
  
Surprisingly, I didn't cry but instead I had a small smile on my face. It felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted of my shoulders. I finally felt free and at peace. My diary really opened my eyes and make me think. Maybe all these while, my relationship and Tsukasa was never meant to be. We started out as enemies, skipped being friends and leapt into a relationship almost blindly. He was the only one who could make me so angry that I wanted to punch him senselessly. Tsukasa was like a little kid, possessive of his own things but also lovable in his own way. His love and care for me was the reason why I fell in love with him. But what kind of relationship will last if there were arguments every single time we met each other? What kind of relationship is that if he doesn't trust me at all?  
  
Now I know that what they said is true. Behind every black cloud, there's a silver lining. I would like to believe everything happened for a reason. Tsukasa loosing his memory is, him getting engaged and having my heart broken happened for a reason. And the reason was, Tsukasa and I were never meant to be.  
  
I'll be lying to say that I wasn't hurt, I am. But I've accepted the fact. Also, Shigeru seemed to be the perfect match for Tsukasa and I, shall just go back to being plain old Makino Tsukushi.  
  
*Ring Ring*  
  
My handphone's ringing interrupted my thoughts and I quickly grabbed my backpack which I've thrown on the floor next to my bed and started to search for that dreaded phone. With every ring, my search became more frantic.  
  
"Where is that stupid phone!" I screamed in frustration, finally dumping my beg and all its contents on my bed.  
  
"AH HAH!" I grabbed my handphone but realized the ringing wasn't from it.  
  
Frowning in confusion, I looked for the source of that ringing and finally found the handphone which was of the latest model and quickly pressed the little green button.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi Tsukushi!" Akira's irritatingly cheerful voice came over the speaker. "Like my gift?"  
  
"You put the phone in my bag?!" I exclaimed.  
  
"Yup, I knew that your handphone would be switched off and so I placed a new phone in your bag when you were with Rui." He explained patiently.  
  
My annoyance with him, faded away. Although an avid playboy, Akira still had his soft and sweet side.  
  
"What do you want?" I asked grumpily as I began to place back all my belonging in the bag.  
  
"Nothing...I just wanted to see if you're alright." Akira's voice turned serious and filled with concern. "After tonight..."  
  
"I'm fine Akira...thank you..."I cut him off mid sentence and I heard him sigh softly.  
  
"Well, my offer still stand you know. If you need someone to talk to...I'll always be here for you." He said finally. "Would you like to meet me tomorrow for lunch?"  
  
"Oh my...all those girls would kill me to snag one of the most eligible bachelors off the list." I teased him and heard his low laughter.  
  
"Geez, Makino...you know you'll always be my first choice." He teased back. "So, how about lunch? Are we up for it?"  
  
"Alright..." I decided, since tomorrow I didn't have to work, why not just have a day of fun with the person fun factor, Akira.  
  
"Great! I'll pick you up at 12:30. Good night Tsukushi!" He ended the call.  
  
I placed the phone on the table next to my bed and snuggled deeply into my covers thinking the exact opposite as before of how F4 made my life topsy- turvy. The truth was, F4 brought color back into my life. 


	9. Having Lunch

By 12:15, I was sitting on the steps, waiting for Akira to arrive. Promptly at 12:30, the familiar sound of screeching tires told me that he had arrived. True enough, his black BMW stopped right in front of me.  
  
The window rolled down and I found myself staring at not only Akira, but Soujiro as well who was occupying the passenger seat.  
  
"Yo! Tsukushi, why are you standing there? Get in!" Akira shouted to me and I opened the backseat door and slid in.  
  
"Soujiro decided to join us, since he had nothing to do. I tried calling Rui but apparently, he's still asleep" Akira explained to me, as we speed away.  
  
"Why does that not surprise me."I muttered under my breath. Rui isn't like any normal human beings who only need a maximum of 8 hours sleep. He needed a minimum of 15 hours and nobody in the right mind would want to get in between him and his bed if he had less than that.  
  
"Tsukushi, how are you feeling today?" Soujiro asked, turning behind to look at me. He had the exact same look he had on yesterday night.  
  
I gave him my brightest smile and nodded my head. "I'm fine...just a little hungry..."  
  
Soujiro continued to stare at me for a little while, as if to make sure I was fine.  
  
"Honestly, I'm alright..."I told him and he nodded, satisfied with my answer.  
  
We reached the restaurant and I followed Akira and Soujiro behind. Even though it was jam packed with people, the manager managed to snag us a comfortable table by the side. Apparently, F4 is one of the most valued customers in the restaurant. Soujiro sat down on the seat next to mine, slinging one arm casually around my chair while Akira took the seat opposite me.  
  
"So...what are your plans for today Tsukushi?" Akira asked, after we told the waiter our orders.  
  
I shrugged and shook my head. "I don't know...anything I guess..." I answered, twirling my fork lazily.  
  
"Come out with us tonight then..."Soujiro suggested and I rolled my eyes at him.  
  
"Right...won't I get in your way of 'scoring' some chicks?" I asked and he let out a small chuckle.  
  
"Chicks or no chicks, nobody can get in Soujiro's way when he wants to score." Akira answered for him. Before Soujiro could protest, a shadow loomed across our table and I looked up, half expecting the waiter with our food but instead a girl who was heavily made up and had her top cut so low, it would have been better off as a wash cloth.  
  
"Soujiro...how nice to meet you here..."She said to Soujiro who had stood up, but her eyes were glaring at me.  
  
"Hi Yumiko...what are you doing here?" Soujiro asked, looking calm and composed but I caught the helpless look he threw at Akira.  
  
"I've been trying to call you..."The girl's eyes narrowed to angry slits and she crossed her arms across her chest.  
  
"Yumiko, I've told you before...your time is up..."Soujiro frowned at her when she suddenly grabbed my arms and yanked me up from my seat.  
  
"HEY!" Akira stood up, attempting to save me from her clutches but Soujiro got to me first. He pulled me away from her and put a protective arm over my shoulders.  
  
"That's enough Yumiko." Soujiro said in a dangerously low voice and I saw his eyes blazing in anger.  
  
"You're leaving me for this ugly piece of...." Yumiko's painted lips turned into an ugly snarl as she glared at me.  
  
"If I were you, I'll stop what you're saying right there." Akira interrupted her before she could finish her sentence and gave her a glare which could've killed.  
  
Suddenly, Yumiko's started to cry unexpectedly. "I loved you Soujiro...why are you doing this to me? If you want me to change...I'll change...I'll be the girl you want...please don't ignore me..." she begged, a desperate plea as she looked at Soujiro.  
  
I heard Soujiro sighed softly and saw him shook his head. "Look, I've told you once and I'm going to repeat this the last time. We had fun while it lasted...you had me for a week and now your time is up. You knew what the consequences were..."  
  
"I know but I love you Soujiro..."Yumiko cried louder and by now, patrons of the restaurant was staring at us. Somehow, I felt sorry for her. After all, she truly loved Soujiro and in a weird way, I can relate to how she was feeling right now.  
  
"Yumiko...I think you should leave now..."Akira said softly and her cries stopped abruptly.  
  
She turned to glare at me again and before anyone had time to react, I felt a sting on my face. Yumiko had just slapped me. Hard.  
  
"Tsukushi!" Akira shoved Yumiko aside and quickly started to touch my face which I knew was turning red. My eyes started to water from the sting I felt and Akira hastily wiped it away.  
  
"SLUT!" I heard Yumiko scream and I looked up to see Soujiro grabbed her arms and started to drag her out from the restaurant with her screaming, kicking and basically shouting curses and threats at me.  
  
"Are you alright?" Akira asked softly and I nodded my head touching my face which was feeling quite numb right now. I couldn't say a word, maybe because I was extremely shocked by the whole incident. But then again, this is after all, F4. Nothing should come as a surprise anymore.  
  
Akira led me back to the chair and before we could say or do anything, Soujiro came back. I looked up at him and wished I hadn't. The look on his face was something worst than what Tsukasa looked like when he was angry and it scares me.  
  
"She's gone?" Akira asked and Soujiro nodded before turning to me.  
  
"I'm so sorry Tsukushi..."He apologized, reaching out and touching my face lightly, his angry expression gone, only to be replace with a concerned one.  
  
I gave him a small smile. "Well, I should've seen it coming...after all...I am having lunch with the most eligible bachelors and playboy of the century." I pointed out, trying to lighten him up.  
  
Soujiro and Akira gave me a small but weak smile when a waiter suddenly turned up and asked us if we were okay. Soujiro nodded and asked us if we were still hungry. Even though I've lost any appetite I had earlier on, I didn't want Akira and Soujiro to know that the incident had shook me up and make them even more worrier than they already are.  
  
"Of course I'm hungry! You promised me lunch and lunch is what you're going to give me." I told Akira who then told the waiter to bring out the food.  
  
When the food arrived, all three of us ate in silence. Maybe it was because we were all lost in our own thoughts. I've no idea what was going on in the two playboy's mind but mine was definitely on how amusing Akira's face can change from one expression to another while eating and not even saying a word. My eyes moved to Soujiro's and saw his handsome face in a frown. He started to cut his lamb chop mechanically and stuffed it in his mouth and started to chew then swallowed. He repeated the steps until the lamb chop disappeared and only looked down when his knife and fork touched the empty plate.  
  
I wondered if Rui was here, would he have done anything to stop Yumiko from slapping me. Wait a minute...did I just said Rui? Funny, I used to think if Tsukasa was here, would things be different. Why did Rui's face appeared in my mind. ArggghHHH! Did that slap rattle my brain or something?  
  
"If you continue shaking your head like that, it's going to get unscrewed..."  
  
I looked up and gasped in surprise. Rui was standing in front of our table with a smile on his face. Looking at Soujiro and Akira, I guess my expression and theirs weren't any different. Eyes as big as two golf balls and mouths wide open. Rui started to laugh a little and I can't help but notice how handsome he looked today. His hair was slightly wind blown and his white shirt and khaki pants gave him a casual and carefree look.  
  
Akira was the first to recover from the shock and stood up. "Rui! What are you doing here?" he asked and I heard a tinge of nervousness in his voice.  
  
Rui shrugged and dropped on the empty chair next to mine. Darn it. If he looked closely at my face, I'm sure he's going to see the finger imprints there even though I'm not to sure it had faded or not.  
  
"Can't a guy come and join his friends for lunch?" Rui said taking the menu from a waiter.  
  
"Of course you can."Soujiro said calmly, picking up his glass of wine and sipping it.  
  
As if sensing something was wrong, Rui looked at us quietly. His eyes fell on Akira first, making the poor guy squirm uncomfortably and then shifted his gaze to Soujiro who pretended to look busy with his glass of wine, when he finally turned and look at me.  
  
I felt him staring at me for an awful long time while I looked down at my half empty plate. Did I mentioned that Rui can read me like an open book and there's nothing in the world that I can hide from him?  
  
"What is going on?" His soft voice broke through the silence firm and demanding.  
  
Akira quickly stood up. "Urm...I see my old buddies there...I'm going to go over to say hi."  
  
"You don't have any 'old buddies' Akira..."Rui said, staring at Akira who dropped down on his seat dejectedly. "Besides, we are your only friends."  
  
"I guess I'm not going to get any answers out from both of you..." he muttered under his breathe and then turned to me.  
  
I glanced at him and wished I hadn't. It was as if, with just one look at me, his eyes could've penetrated into my mind and soul. I quickly looked down and hoped my long hair would cover my face. A few seconds later, I felt his fingers grazing my cheeks as he brushed my hair away. "Who did this?" He demanded.  
  
Once again the three of us kept quiet.  
  
"Tsukushi...who did this to you?!" Rui repeated his question but his voice was gentler.  
  
I opened my mouth to say something but Soujiro beat me to it. "It was my fault Rui...".  
  
"Remember Yumiko?" Soujiro asked and Rui shook his head. I don't blame him. How can any of us remember the number of girls Soujiro had been with? I don't think he himself knew how many.  
  
"Well.she became obsessive with me and saw us having lunch just now. She thought Tsukushi was my girlfriend and lost her head. We never expected her to slap Tsukushi..."  
  
"Yeah Rui...it's not Soujiro's fault.Yumiko just suddenly hit me...I'm fine really...it's not that pain..."I quickly put in a few good words and Akira nodded his agreement.  
  
Rui kept quiet for a short while when he finally sighed and nod his head. "We should put something on that...or it'll probably bruise up or something." He said to me quietly and I nodded. Somehow, I couldn't help but feel a little tingle up my spine about how Rui acted. At least he wasn't like Tsukasa who would scream, shout and most probably threaten to run after the girl and kill her. 


	10. A last minute trip

"I'm taking Tsukushi home."  
  
The way Rui said it was more like a demand than a statement. Akira, Soujiro and I knew it wasn't a very good idea to argue with him when he was in one of his moods. Although he had never raised his voice, hit a person or basically, act like Tsukasa, when Rui is angry, one look from him and that's it. That look was way worst than Tsukasa's bashing up or screams. That eyes of his will penetrate right into your soul making you shiver.  
  
"Right.we're going to be in our usual joint. Want to join us later?" Akira asked putting one arm over Rui's shoulders and I very well know that he was referring to the night club they frequent often, VS.  
  
"We'll see. Give me a call later." Rui said and Akira nodded.  
  
Soujiro approached me and gave me a weak smile. "I'm sorry Tsukushi. That shouldn't have happened." He said softly.  
  
"It's alright Soujiro. You didn't expect that.BUT..."I looked at him seriously. "Maybe you should consider cutting down your playboy ways. One day, either you'll get seriously hurt...."  
  
As I said that, Soujiro looked away from me and for a fleeting second, I saw pain flash in the depth of his eyes. I wondered what or who had caused him that immense pain. Was it Yuki?  
  
"Awww...Tsukushi...if I didn't know you better, I would've thought you had a crush on me." Soujiro winked at me and attempted to make a very lame joke and that was when I knew my comment had went straight to his heart.  
  
"Soujiro..."I tried again but was cut off when Rui and Akira appeared by our side. I saw Soujiro looking really relieved and waved a hasty goodbye while following Akira towards his friend's car.  
  
"He'll never change Tsukushi...unless she comes back." Rui's said softly at my side as I continued to stare at Soujiro even after Akira had driven off.  
  
I looked up at Rui and once again, he had not failed to read my mind. "Yuki shouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place." I mumbled more to myself than to Rui.  
  
But he heard me. "Soujiro is already in love with Yuki."  
  
"I doubt it. If you love someone, do you go flirting and sleeping with other women? If you love someone, would you push her away?" I asked Rui, feeling my anger raising for no apparent reason. I know I shouldn't be angry at Rui for he hadn't done anything wrong. But I hate it when two of my best friends are hurt or are acting stupid.  
  
Rui kept quiet for a moment and started to walk to his car, taking his keys from the jockey. He opened the passenger side door for me and I got in before hopping into the driver's seat himself. The engine started and soon, we were driving down the streets in silence. After 15 minutes, he still hadn't said a word.  
  
"Loving someone is about sacrificing Tsukushi, if you love that person with all your being, you would do anything in the world to keep him or her from getting hurt. Even if it meant keeping them from yourself." Rui suddenly broke the silence just as we arrived at my apartment.  
  
"Soujiro keeps flirting with women because he feels insecure. He wants and craves for that one love he could never get and for that one night, he can lie to himself and imagine he has it. He never expected Yuki to appear in his life, just as we never expected you to appear in ours. By then, it was too late, he was in too deep and as much as he cares for Yuki, he just didn't want to hurt her."  
  
"Then why can't he stop for Yuki? I'm sure she wouldn't mind his past." I asked Rui.  
  
"Because Tsukushi.Yuki was unlike any other girl he met. She was different and special. In some ways, that frightened Soujiro. He was so afraid of what he was feeling that he pushed the only person he ever loved away. Everyone has a different way of dealing with love Tsukushi.." Rui explained patiently to me and that was when I finally understood Soujiro.  
  
I looked at Rui who was staring out of his car, looking deep in thought. I wondered if he was thinking of Shizuka. Once again, I felt that tug at my heart. Was I really jealous? Why am I feeling this way again? I shook my head as if to clear those feelings away but it didn't help at all. I needed to get away from Rui.  
  
"Urm...thanks for the ride...I'll be going now." I said, putting my hands on the handle but Rui suddenly placed his hands on mine, stopping me.  
  
"Tsukushi...go pack now..."Rui told me.  
  
"Pack now? As in right this moment?!" I asked, feeling my eyes growing bigger.  
  
He nodded and helped me unbuckle my seat belt before following me back to my apartment. I stood in front of him as he settled comfortably on my tattered sofa.  
  
"Rui.you got to be kidding me right? I mean.I can't go now.I haven't applied for leave or even done my chores yet." I exclaimed, throwing my arms in the air.  
  
Rui scanned my apartment with his eyes and I groaned inwardly. My apartment was clean and neat because I had cleaned it up earlier when I was waiting for Akira.  
  
Without saying a word, he reached into his pockets and pulled out his handphone and started to punch a few numbers.  
  
"Who are you calling?" I asked, my gut feeling telling me that whatever he was going to do, I wasn't going to like it. Once again, he ignored my question.  
  
"Hello? Ms.Akio?" He said into the phone and my eyes widened. I lunged forward, trying to grab the phone out from his hand but he stood up and since he was so much taller than I was, I couldn't reach the phone and he held me by my shoulders with one hand.  
  
"This is Hanazawa Rui here." I could here Ms.Akio almost purring over the other line and I gave up trying to grab the phone out from Rui's hand. "I'm calling on behalf of Makino Tsukushi. She and I have to go off somewhere to settle some important matter. We'll be back in a month's time."  
  
What! One whole month?! Where on earth were we going?! Rui's neck looked extremely inviting for me to strangle at this very moment.  
  
"Of Course...thank you Ms.Akio...I won't forget your kindness. Goodbye."  
  
With that, Rui ended the call and placed his handphone back in his pockets and gave me a satisfied smile.  
  
"There. All settled. Now go and pack." He said but I stood my ground and folded my arms over my chest and glared at him.  
  
"You had no right to do that Rui..."I told him.  
  
"You got that wrong Tsukushi...as a friend who cares so deeply for you.it is my right to make sure you don't work yourself to death." Rui replied softly and my arms dropped to my sides. I wasn't expecting that. I expected a laugh or a snide remark. Not something so...sweet.  
  
"You know what...I think I'll just go pack for you..." He headed towards my bedroom when I didn't say a word. I followed him quickly and saw him placing my clothes in one of the duffle bags he found under my bed. Fast worker he is.  
  
"Would you like me to pack your underwear for you too?" Rui turned to me, holding one pair of my jeans.  
  
"NO!" I shirked out loud, feeling myself turn bright red. "I mean...I can do it...you go sit in the hall..."I pushed him out of my room and closed the door, but not before I saw him laughing.  
  
I rushed around my room, stuffing random items in my bag (Which wasn't a lot). When I was done, I zipped my bag and looked in the mirror, running my fingers thru my long hair.  
  
*Knock Knock*  
  
"Tsukushi...are you done?" Rui called from the other side.  
  
"COMING!" I called back, looking at my reflection one last time and realized that ever since the incident with Tsukasa, my smile was genuine. 


	11. The Trip

Rui helped me place my bag into his car boot and I saw that inside laid his precious violin case next to his own black bag. I smiled as I remembered all the wonderful tunes he used to play. His music exudes emotions and personality. Unlike Rui who almost never showed any emotions, his music did. Sometimes, it made me cry, sometimes it made me laugh. He hasn't played his violin in a long time, ever since Tsukasa's accident. Even if he had, I never heard it. Come to think of it, a lot of things happened ever since Tsukasa's accident. It was as if, life changed after that.  
  
"You had this all planned out didn't you..."I said to him accusingly as I buckled my seatbelt referring to his packed bag in the boot.  
  
Rui shrugged and shot me a lazy grin.  
  
"You're so sneaky! Since when did you turn into Akira?" I exclaimed, hitting him lightly on his arm.  
  
"It's called a surprise Tsukushi...."Rui answered, laughing lightly.  
  
"And I thought you don't handle surprises well..."I grumbled under my breath.  
  
"I don't..."Rui glanced at me and I fought the urge to stick my tongue out at him. "I just like giving them." He added with a smirk.  
  
We fell into comfortable silence and I don't know when I started to doze off. The last thing I remembered was cruising down the highway and trees were whizzing by in a green blur. In a far distant, I felt something soft on my forehead but I don't remember what. Was it Rui's lips? I don't know...I'm not sure. Was I dreaming? I guess I was.  
  
I woke up to see that it was already dark outside. When I sat up, I felt something slid down to my lap and saw it was Rui's jacket. He must've placed it over me when I fell asleep.  
  
"Are we there yet?" I asked, my voice sounded a little scratchy.  
  
Rui glanced at the digital clock on the dash board before answering me. "In about 15 minutes. Do you need anything?" he asked and I shook my head.  
  
"I think my legs has fallen asleep."I told him, trying to massage some feelings back to my numb feet.  
  
"I can stop the car and let you stretch if you want."  
  
"It's okay...I can't wait to see your holiday house..."I gave him a smile and suddenly, his handphone rang.  
  
Looking at the caller ID, he gave a little sigh before answering it. "Akira...what's up?" I leaned closer to him and heard Akira's cheerful voice. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I just can't help it.  
  
"Yo Rui! Where are you? Aren't you going to join us down at VS tonight? The whole gang is going to be here." Akira said.  
  
Rui glanced at me and spoke. "You guys go ahead...something came up."  
  
"What!? Are you ditching your brother's for work?!" I could imagine Akira's looking shocked.  
  
"Something like that." Rui answered coolly and I almost wanted to laugh.  
  
"But...Tsukasa and Shigeru is going to be here..."Akira said, as if that would change Rui's mind.  
  
"Tell them I said Hi then."  
  
"Fine fine.I can't seem to get Tsukushi.are you with her?" Akira asked and Rui looked at me again for a second as if contemplating an answer.  
  
"No...no she isn't try calling her home." Rui said finally and I frowned, wondering why he didn't want to tell them that I was with him.  
  
"Alright...I'll probably drop by later. Bye Bro!"  
  
"Bye..."  
  
Rui ended the call and continued to drive in silence as if that conversation never happened.  
  
"What was that all about?" I demanded, letting my curiosity get the better of me.  
  
"What was what all about?" Rui decided to play dumb with me and he knew I hated that.  
  
"THAT!" I exclaimed pointing to the handphone on his lap.  
  
"This is a handphone.a gadget which you use to communicate with another person."  
  
"HANAZAWA RUI.STOP THAT!" I heard my voice raising.  
  
His handsome face showed no emotion accept for the slight frown on his forehead. "I didn't want to tell them because they will probably jump to conclusions."he explained in his usual calm and soft voice.  
  
"No they won't and you and I both know it. Akira and Soujiro knows how close we are and would never think otherwise...tell me the truth Hanazawa Rui."  
  
I haven't call him by his full name for a long time and I guess he knew I was really angry now.  
  
"Tsukushi...when the time comes...I'll tell you everything alright? Please just trust me..."Rui said softly, looking at me right in the eye.  
  
Darn...here he goes, doing that 'look' thing again, making me feel soft all over and agreeing to whatever he says.  
  
"Have I ever disappointed you Tsukushi?" He asked.  
  
"No Rui...you never had." I answered softly, looking down at my hands.  
  
"Do you trust me?"  
  
"Yes Rui...I do trust you..." I sighed softly. I trust him with all my heart, my soul and my being. I trust him with my life. But of course, I didn't tell him that.  
  
Before he said another word, I felt the car roll to a stop and I looked up. At first, I couldn't see anything as it was very dark but I heard Rui click a button and what sounded like a gate started to open. The sight in front of me left me breathless.  
  
Even if it was dark, I could see the beautiful Sakura trees in blossom, pink and white decorated the ground and a beautiful cottage stood magnificently among it. I wanted to jump right out of the car and rush up to the house.  
  
"Oh my goodness....It's beautiful..."I gushed out.  
  
"Come, let's go get settled in." Rui said, before getting down.  
  
He grabbed our bags with one hand and the other carried his violin case. I did offer to carry my own bag but he shook his head. I wonder, under that clothes was he really as lean and muscular..wait a minute, what are you thinking Tsukushi! This is Hanazawa Rui you're talking about..  
  
I shook my head to clear myself off those thoughts as I followed behind him. We crossed over a small man-made bridge and I leaned forwards slightly to see if there were fishes in the pond. Under the moonlight, I saw a few Koi fishes swimming happily around.  
  
'Tsukushi?" Rui called and I hurried over to him. He unlocked the door and we stepped in.  
  
Although it wasn't as big as his mansion back in the city but it was cozy and comfortable. Just as I like it.  
  
"This is your room...mine is right next door...so if there's anything..just holler..."Rui slid open one of the doors and placed my bag on the floor. "Go unpack...and I'll come get you in 15 minutes to show you around the house alright?"  
  
"Okay...thanks Rui..." I said and he left me to unpack.  
  
I was done in less than 10 minutes. And was looking out my window at the starry sky when I heard him knock softly. I quickly slid open the door and I saw he had changed into a pair of jeans and polo shirt, making him look fresh and extremely handsome.  
  
"Are you ready to have a look around?" he asked, offering me his arms.  
  
"Of Course..."I answered, hooking my arms with his and let him led.  
  
He showed me the tea room, kitchen, dinning room, living room and of course, the hot springs behind the house. I was particularly impressed with the small garden which was decorated with colorful flowers of all kind.  
  
"My mom loved gardening..."he explained while I bent over to smell one of the flowers. I looked up at him in surprise because he never mentioned his parents to me before.  
  
"My dad built this house for my mother actually."  
  
"Really? How romantic..." I exclaimed, following him to the swing and sat down next to him.  
  
"Yeah...I guess..."He said softly, suddenly looking sad.  
  
I sat next to him in silence, waiting for him to go on. The only sound heard was made by the crickets and the slow breathing of Rui's and mine.  
  
"I guess you know by now that the day we were born, F4's fate has already been written. From the person who's going to be our wives to the day we inherit from our father's. Mine was slightly different. My dad and mom are very much in love. Even though their marriage was arranged, they didn't mind because the minute they laid eyes on one another, they knew that they were meant for each other." Rui told me his parent's story with a soft smile on his lips and I listened, intrigued.  
  
"During the first few years up to when I was born, they were living in marital bliss. That was until, they found I had a problem. Their only child was autistic. My mom was worried but she never gave up, so did my dad. Every year, my parents would bring me here, in hope that it would bring me out from my shell. Little did they know, it did but I never showed them anything. A few years back, my dad got more and more involved with his work and spent less time with my mom. She missed him very much and would sometimes cry herself to sleep. Then she got sick...."  
  
"She got sick?" I asked and he nodded.  
  
"Yeah...all the doctors couldn't seem to find what was wrong with her. My father was going out of his mind with concern by then. To see the person you love the most dying is the most difficult thing in the world.then he decided to put everything down and go on a world trip with my mom. She got better, but was still weak. The doctor predicted that she was going to live for another 2 years, but she proved them wrong...she's still fighting to live. For my dad and for me..."  
  
I looked at him and he smiled at me. I was extremely touched that he decided to share such story with me and I never knew his family was one with love. Unlike the Domyouji's where Tsukasa grew up lonely and only had Tsubaki to care and love him.  
  
Rui reached out and touched my cheeks and that was when I realized I had been crying. He wiped my tears away ever so gently.  
  
"Goodnight Tsukushi..."He said softly, standing up and walking back to the house, leaving me to stare after him.  
  
Hanazawa Rui, just as I thought I was getting to know you, you surprise me with something else. I remembered the first time I laid eyes on you. Those eyes, as cold and hard as cold but sparkled like diamonds. The handsome face told me no emotions as he stood at the beach after Shizuka crushed his heard, his hair blowing gently in the breeze. How he cried as I held him close to me and how his lips felt so right on mine.  
  
Closing my eyes, earlier memories I had with him came rushing back to me and I wondered, have I fallen in love with Hanazawa Rui all over again? 


	12. Morning Breakfast

I have absolutely no idea how long I sat on that swing, staring at the clear black sky, decorated with stars which sparkled like diamonds million of miles away. In the city, it was rare to see such clear sky and the sounds you hear are always buzzing with excitement, here you can hear the crickets singing their goodnight songs and if you listen carefully, the flowers whispering to one another. There were no sounds of loud music or the car engine or even people laughing. What we have here is calming silence. I inhaled deeply. Even the air was fresh, unlike the slightly polluted ones we have in the city.  
  
Deciding I had enough of fresh air, I walked slowly back to my room. I stopped in front of Rui's closed door, fighting the urge to wake him up so I could see him for one last time before I go to sleep. Under his door, I saw it was dark, meaning he was already fast asleep. Feeling slightly disappointed, I trudged back to my own room and slid my door shut. The thing with traditional Japanese houses, the wall that separated the rooms was quite thin making every sound you make noticeable. Tiptoeing towards the wall that separated my room and Rui's I leaned against it, hoping to hear any sound of movement he made. Unfortunately, I didn't. After a few minutes, I gave up and climb into my warm bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
I woke up the next morning with the sun shinning brightly into my room. Sitting up, I stretched and yawn contentedly. Honestly, I haven't had a sleep as satisfying as this for a long time. I quickly washed up and hurried out of my room, anxious to see the beautiful scenery again.  
  
"Good morning." Rui's voice came from behind me as I shut my door, almost making me jump out from my skin.  
  
"YOU SCARED ME!" I exclaimed, putting my hands to my heart and felt it thumping so rapidly. "Don't you ever make any sound when you move?" I asked angrily.  
  
Rui didn't answer my question, as usual. "Breakfast is ready." he said, before turning towards the kitchen.  
  
There's another thing you should know about Hanazawa Rui. Of course, the most important of it all was never to come between him and his beloved sleep. The second is never ever stop him from eating. Food is the next most essential thing to him and you should really see the way he eats. It will amaze you. I remember the first time I sat down with F4 for a proper meal. At that time, Tsukasa was busy piling food onto my plate as I protested. Akira and Soujiro were just smiling in amusement, quietly biting into their own food, knowing too well not to say anything to avoid any further beating from Tsukasa. Rui was eating his food, oblivious to everyone or anything around him except for that plate of spaghetti in front of him. In a matter of seconds, it disappeared and I saw him reach for another plate of fried rice. Then, it was French toast and waffles. And once that was gone, he finished up another plate of fries and some of Akira's sandwich. Mind you, that wasn't enough.because he ordered some crepes for dessert. Rui never had a liking for sweet things; therefore he would pass on things like ice- cream and cakes.  
  
Honestly, I sat there speechless as I stared at him in amazement as he finished all those food. When he was done with his last bite of crepe, he looked at me and asked me if I was going to finish my food which of course I said I wasn't. I pushed my plate towards him and he helped me finished them. Obviously, Tsukasa was extremely unhappy about it but one kick to his shin shut him up instantly.  
  
"Here, have a seat." Rui pointed to the thrown pillows on the floor as he disappeared into the kitchen only to appear with a tray laden with food.  
  
"Wow! Are we eating for 2 people or are you feeding an army which I don't know off?" I teased as I took in the amount of food he placed on the table.  
  
Rui shrugged his shoulders and smiled, sitting down comfortably in front of me. "Well, I woke up early and had nothing to do so I decided to cook, and once I started, I just can't seem to stop." He explained, shocking me into silence.  
  
Rui.cooked? As in Hanazawa Rui, using his own hands to fry those eggs, pancakes and the many things on the table?  
  
He reached forwards and with one finger, he pushed my jaws up, closing my mouth. "Careful, a fly might just fly right in." he teased.  
  
I rubbed my eyes with my hands. Maybe I was dreaming, so I pinched myself. Ouch! Okay, so I wasn't dreaming.  
  
"Since when did you know how to cook?" I asked as he started to put an egg on my plate. Unlike Tsukasa, Rui does things in moderation and does not go overboard. Thank goodness.  
  
"I don't know really." Rui answered, frowning slightly, trying to remember. "I've always loved food, I just remembered whenever I was hungry in the middle of the night and didn't want to wake my maids up, and I'll cook something for myself."  
  
I took a bite and my eyes widened.  
  
"What? Did I put too much salt?" Rui asked, taking a bite of his own egg.  
  
"No, it's really delicious!" I exclaimed, smiling at him.  
  
"Thanks eat more then. You're really skinny." He said, placing another egg on my plate.  
  
We ate in comfortable silence, both enjoying the company and the food. Once again, I couldn't help thinking how Tsukasa and Rui were so different and yet could be such great friends. Knowing Tsukasa, if he had woken up hungry in the middle of the night, he'll make sure the whole household wakes up with him and insist the maids and cooks whip something up for him. Rui was different. He was considerate and independent. Almost like me.  
  
Soon, the food disappeared and what was left were empty plates and satisfied stomachs. Never in a million years, had I eaten this much.  
  
"Here, let me do the dishes." I said, clearing the table. "It's only fair since you cooked us the delicious meal."  
  
"It's alright, let me help." Rui insisted, taking a few plates of my hands. "We can do it together."  
  
I nodded and we both headed towards the kitchen. Since there weren't many plates, I soaped the dishes while he rinsed it. Amazingly, I felt really comfortable working with Rui side by side. I tried to imagine Tsukasa washing the dishes but instead, an image of him breaking it came into my mind and I unconsciously started to giggle.  
  
"What are you giggling about?" Rui asked looking half amused.  
  
"Nothing.." I passed him a plate and started to giggle harder.  
  
"Makino Tsukushi, are you laughing at me?" Rui narrowed his eyes at me and flicked some water at me.  
  
"Hey!" I protested, and scooped some water in my hands and threw it at him. At first he stared at me shocked, as if not expecting that. Then I saw that mischievous in his eyes, and before I could react, he picked up a glass and scooped the water and threw it at me, drenching my shirt. He was laughing at me now but Makino Tsukushi shall prevail!  
  
We started to throw water at each other, our laughter echoing through the entire house. Soon, we were both drenched from head to toe and I forgot who decided to give up first, but it didn't matter. I was truly happy.  
  
Both of us were leaning against the kitchen wall exhausted from trying to outdo one another. It wasn't until I sneezed, Rui ushered me to my room to change. I obediently listened to him and when I changed into some dry clothes, I found Rui sitting in the living room, staring into space.  
  
"What are you thinking?" I asked, walking up to him and sitting on the floor next to him.  
  
"Nothing...just wondering about some stuff." He said, moving aside to give me more space.  
  
"I like it here...."I told him, closing my eyes contentedly. "It's so relaxing and comfortable. Thanks for bringing me here Rui."  
  
"You shouldn't make it a habit."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Saying 'Thank you' to me as if we were strangers."  
  
"It's called manners." I defended myself as I glared at Rui who was looking as if he was about to doze off any moment. "But really, thank you for everything Rui. Not only for bringing me here, but for everything." I added softly.  
  
He looked at me and nodded his understanding. "I told you before, I'll always be here for you Tsukushi...always..." he took my hands and held it tight. I didn't know why, but I started to cry.  
  
"Tsukushi, don't cry..you're making that your habit. Where's the Tsukushi with the weed spirit?" He asked and I buried my face in his shoulders.  
  
"I don't know Rui, I don't know.."I wailed. I seriously don't know why I was crying. Maybe it was the sincerity and his sweetness.  
  
"Shhh..it's alright.."He stroked my back and I felt his cheeks on my head.  
  
I stopped crying and looked up at him. For a moment, he stared into my eyes and as if there was an invisible force pulling me to him, I leaned forward and closed my eyes as I felt his lips touched mine. In that instant, I felt as if I've died and gone to heaven. At the back of my mind, I knew it was so wrong. So wrong to kiss him but why on earth did it felt so right? Why on earth did I feel as if I belonged to him? Kissing Tsukasa was never like this. Like his personality, his kisses were strong and possessively rough. Rui was different; he was soft, passionate and sweet.  
  
Before I could faint from the bliss I was in, Rui pulled away abruptly. "Sorry Tsukushi. That shouldn't have happened." He said, standing up and looking away from me. Those words were like daggers in my heart. "I'll be at the hot springs."  
  
He left me sitting in the same position we were in, shocked, dazed and confused. What had happened? I don't know. I really don't. 


	13. Aunty Ikano

After Rui left for the hot springs, my mind couldn't comprehend what had happened. A mixture of emotions were flowing through me like how an electricity would when someone got shocked. I touched my lips and could almost still feel Rui's soft and warm lips against mine. Just the thought of the incident made my heart start beating like crazy.  
  
There was nothing I can do except confront him and asked him what had happened. But I decided against it. What if he gave me an answer that would disappoint me? What if my question would ruin our whole relationship? Then would we be able to still be as close as we were now? Honestly, I hate my life now. It's just to complicated. But then again, I've no choice except ignore the kiss. Ok, not ignore it but pretend that it didn't happen. As hard as it may seem, but I can't risk losing Rui. I just can't.  
  
Picking myself up from the floor, I did the only thing I do best when I'm upset or when I needed to calm down. Clean the house. I found a broom in a closet in the kitchen and set out to start giving the whole entire Hanazawa's house spring cleaning.  
  
Hours later, I stood in the middle of the leaving room with my neat pony tail slightly messy and my clothes crumpled, looking at my so-called- masterpiece. The house was so clean, it was shinning. You could probably see your own reflection on the floors as I scrubbed it spotlessly clean. I guess if I ever ran out of work, I could make it big as a house cleaner or a maid.  
  
Just as I was about to turn and return my broom and cleaning utensils to the kitchen, I collided into Rui and I dropped everything to the floor. Both of us bent down at the same time to start picking up the things quietly. I guess you could say I was turning as read as a tomato but I couldn't help it. I can't even look into his eyes without remembering the kiss. I reached out to pick up the sponge near his feet at the same time as he did and our fingers touched, making me jump back about a feet.  
  
Rui looked at me without saying a word and handed me the sponge. Because I was sprawled on the floor, he offered me his hands but I got up on my own without taking it. When I glanced at him, I saw a glint of sorrow in his eyes but it disappeared when our eyes met.  
  
"Excuse me..."I said, looking at the floor and trying to get away from him. Since my eyes were on the ground, I saw his feet not moving an inch.  
  
"Excuse me..."I tried again, slightly louder thinking he might not have heard me the first time.  
  
His feet did not budge. I forced myself to look up and saw him staring right at me, his face was in his usual cold mask. Expressionless. Only his eyes reminded me there was something soft and caring inside that hard shell.  
  
"Rui...I need to put back the things in the kitchen." I held him the bucket in front of his face for emphasis. Rui didn't move and for a second, we stood staring at each other. Finally, he looked away and step aside. I took the opportunity to run to the kitchen. It only took me a few seconds to put the things away, but I pretended to be busy by arranging the already neat pots and pans just to buy me some time from Rui.  
  
When I walked back into the living room, Rui was gone. Thinking he was in his room, I walked to the garden to get myself some fresh air. The only sound I made was my feet against the gravel. I reached the garden and sat on the swing which had become my favorite spot. Kicking the ground lightly, the swing started to move. The weather was perfect. The sky was clear and the air was cool. Maybe it was because of the gentle rocking of the swing or the calming cool air, I started to feel extremely drowsy and soon, I fell asleep.  
  
I snuggled deeper into my blanket and sighed contentedly. Wait a minute, wasn't I in the garden? My eyes flew open to find myself in the comfort of my own room. I knew for a fact I didn't sleep walk. I sat up quickly and tried to remember if I woke up and walked back to my room.  
  
"I carried you back here..."Rui walked into my room with a tray of green tea. "It was starting to rain and when I couldn't find you I went to the garden and saw you asleep."  
  
"Oh..."I looked at him as he placed the tray on the table and sat down, crossing his legs.  
  
"Come and have some hot tea..." He said, pouring the tea into the little tea cups.  
  
I crawled to the table and sat opposite him. He handed me a cup and I sipped the warm liquid slowly.  
  
"Tsukushi..."Rui broke the silence and I looked at him. He placed his own cup down and exhaled softly. "We need to talk."  
  
Ugh. The four words I dreaded so badly.  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"What happened just now..."  
  
"Nothing happened...."I interrupted, feeling a flush creeping up my cheeks.  
  
"Tsukushi...."Rui said sternly, forcing me to shut my mouth. "Something did happen just now and we have to face it sooner or later."  
  
I looked down at my hands and nodded slowly. He was right. But then again, when was he ever wrong.  
  
"I don't want our relationship to be affected by what had happened. Look at you now...you can't even look at me in my eyes and can't even be in the same room with me for one minute without jumping out of your skin."  
  
I bit my lips, not knowing what to say, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Why?"  
  
Rui didn't say anything, instead he picked up the teapot and poured the tea into our empty cups.  
  
"Why did you kiss me Rui? Why did you kiss me and then say it was wrong? WhY?" I demanded, the words came pouring out of my mouth before I could stop them.  
  
"Look at me Tsukushi..."Rui said softly and I slowly tore my gaze from my hands and stared into his eyes. "I kissed you because I wanted to."  
  
His answered shocked me into silence. What on earth did he meant by that?  
  
"Maybe it's time I cleared things up with you." He continued and I caught a tinge of nervousness in his voice. "I promised myself the very day I saw you cried for me and my happiness, I told myself that I'll protect you with all my being. That was before you found yourself falling in love with Tsukasa."  
  
I kept quiet as I listened to him speak. He stood up and walked to the window and I turned to face his back. Unknown to him, my heart was thumping like mad.  
  
"Even after you and Tsukasa were madly in love, I never stopped being your guardian angel. There were so many times you came running to me with tears in your eyes and a wound in your heart after a fight with my best friend. I hugged you and told you everything will be alright. I told you that Tsukasa loved you no matter what. Then the incident came where Tsukasa had to go loose his memory and I had to watch you turn from a strong and confident girl, full of life into something no different from a wilting flower."  
  
By now, tears were streaming down my face as I remembered how every time I ran into Rui's arms and dumped all my sorrows with him. Guilt filled me as I realized how I used him.  
  
"But Tsukushi, I never complained once. Never. When you cried, I cried with you inside. When you hurt, I hurt with you inside. I fought the urge to hurt my very best friend who is closer than a brother to me for hurting you. I fought the urge to kiss your lips every time you sat next to me on the balcony watching the sun in silence."  
  
Wait a minute, was Rui....  
  
"When I came back from France, I was extremely hurt by Shizuka. I thought I would never love another again. But when I looked at you, as you cried, I knew my heart belonged to you. I realized then, I did love Shizuka. But it was because she was the one who brought me out from the world I was so used to and into the world we live in now. She was the one who taught me how accept people and friends into my life and also not to cry. But you taught me how to love and to laugh. You taught me what happiness was. I loved Shizuka as a sister and somewhat of a comfort blanket."  
  
"Rui..."I called his name so softly I doubt he heard me. even if he did, he didn't turn around. Outside was raining heavily, as if the heavens was crying with me and for Rui.  
  
"By then, it was too late. You were in love with my best friend. I didn't want Tsukasa and you to be miserable, so I swallowed my own feelings. I wanted you to be happy and I knew Tsukasa was probably the only person who could've given you that. For so many times, I wanted to be selfish, but I couldn't, because I saw that shine in your eyes every time you and Tsukasa were together."  
  
This was the first time Rui had spoke so much or with so much emotion. Then it hit me, Rui loved me. Rui gave me up for my happiness.  
  
"When Tsukasa lost his memory, I told myself, I would do everything in my power to make him remember you because I couldn't bare to see you hurt anymore. But when he told you how he felt about Shigeru, I just couldn't stand there and let you get hurt anymore. For so many times, I wanted to tell you how I felt Tsukushi, but I was afraid. I was so afraid that confessing would make me loose you."  
  
I stood up and walked to Rui. I snaked my hands around his slim waist and placed my face against his back. "You don't have to say anymore Rui...I'm sorry...I'm sorry for not caring about how you felt..." I cried.  
  
He turned around slowly, and hugged me tightly to his chest. "I love you Tsukushi...I always had..."  
  
That was all it took to make me cry like a baby. I felt something wet on my head and at first I thought it was the rain but when I looked up, I saw Rui's face streaming with his own tears.  
  
"Hanazawa Rui...I love you too..."I whispered, and he bent down, kissing my lips ever so tenderly and this time, I was sure I've died and gone to heaven.  
  
The rain hasn't stopped for hours. Rui had fallen asleep beside me hours ago. I looked down at him and couldn't help my heart from skipping a beat. The kiss and confession seemed like a dream to me. Can this guy really love me? This guy who looks like a Greek God and seemed to take almost every girl's breathe away even without looking at them? This guy who showed no emotions and seemed so cold? This guy who stood beside me when I needed him?  
  
The answer to all those question...YES. I wanted to jump up and scream with joy but tried to stop myself from doing that because I really didn't want to wake Rui up. After the kiss, he hugged me in his arms, both of us not saying a word and watching the rain fall. I sneaked a look at him once and saw a soft smile on his face. That was when I knew he was truly happy.  
  
Stroking his hair out of his closed eyes gently, I bent down and kissed his forehead. Rui's eyes fluttered open and stared into mine momentarily before breaking into a gentle smile.  
  
"Hi..."He said touching my cheeks.  
  
"Hi yourself..."I didn't know why but I started to blush and looked away quickly.  
  
Suddenly, I heard a weird growling sound and I looked at Rui who was now propped up on his elbows, looking slightly sheepish.  
  
"Sorry...I'm just a little hungry..."He patted his tummy and it let out another growl. "Okay...I'm really hungry..."  
  
I stood up and brushed my hair from my face with my fingers. "I'll go cook something...what would you like to eat?"  
  
Rui shook his head and pulled himself to his feet before walking towards me. "Why don't we go out and eat today...my treat..."  
  
"But...we have so much food here..." I protested but he placed a finger on my lips, silencing me.  
  
"I want to celebrate..."  
  
"Celebrate what?"  
  
"Celebrate 'us'..." he replied and if I was red just now, I was redder now.  
  
I nodded my head and he took my hands, leading me out of the room. Soon we were in his car and before I could say 'waiter', we were seated in a small but cozy restaurant being served by a friendly old lady.  
  
"Ah...to be young and in love...how I missed those times..."She said wistfully, after placing our food in front of us.  
  
"You seemed happy..." I told her while Rui attacked his food.  
  
"Well...at this age...I shouldn't let old troubles bother me right? In life...you have to learn how to forgive and let go...then you'll fine true happiness."  
  
"So aunty...I'm sure you found true happiness already right?" Rui asked swallowing his food.  
  
She gave a soft sigh and a tinge of sadness appeared on her face. "Oh yes...and I'll never forget that time of my life...he was the best thing that happened to me...."  
  
Before she could finish her sentence, a customer walked in, she left to attend to them but we stayed on, even after finishing our food. It wasn't until closing time that Aunty found time to talk to us again. Rui and I helped her shut her restaurant and we sat in the corner with Aunty, talking again with some cakes and coffee on the table.  
  
She told us to call her Aunty Ikano and I could tell, she was glad to have us around to talk to. I was even more surprised when Rui joined in our conversation which he rarely did to strangers.  
  
"Where is he now Aunty Ikano?" I asked and she sighed. She pushed her seat back and disappeared behind the counter only to reappear with a picture in her hands.  
  
"He is in a land where he can be free..." she said softly.  
  
The picture showed a couple in their early 20's clearly very much in love, hugging each other on a swing. I handed the picture to Rui and he stared at it for a long time.  
  
"His name is Hikaru...as in the sun...and boy did his name suit him well. When he smiled, it was brighter than the sun itself and how he brought light into my life again...I met him in a weird manner." Aunty Ikano started her story, with a faraway look in her eyes, recalling her past.  
  
"I had just been proposed by my boyfriend and didn't know what to do. He told me not to give him an answer yet, so I took the ring and placed it in my bag, before leaving his house. I guess I was lost in my own world and didn't hear the motorbike roaring towards me. I realized too late, and couldn't avoid it. But luckily, he swerved and I fell to the ground at the same time as he did. I crawled towards him, hoping that he was alright. Before I could reach him, he sat up and limped towards me."  
  
Under the table, Rui took my hands in his and held it tightly. I looked at him but he was listening intently to Aunty Ikano's story but he squeezed my hand lightly, telling me that he knew I was looking. "My belongings had scattered on the ground and the first thing I saw was the empty ring box, throwing me into panic mode. I started to look around frantically when he suddenly spoke, asking me what I've lost. When I told him I've lost a diamond ring, he didn't hesitate and started to help me find it. I saw that his arm was bleeding badly and tried to stop him, but he just wouldn't listen. He was very stubborn. In the end, he found it and placed it in my hands before picking up his motorbike and ridding off without saying a word. I thought I would never see him again."  
  
"Did you Aunty Ikano? Did you see him again?" I asked, leaning forward slightly.  
  
Aunty Ikano smiled at me and nodded. "At that time, I was a university student and when I went to class, my best friend Kumiko ran up to me and told me that there was a new student in our class. I didn't bother much because my mind was too occupied with the sudden proposal and the accident."  
  
Rui picked up the cup of coffee and sipped it slowly before leaning back against the chair. His hands still clutching mine, he tugged it lightly, pulling me to him. I leaned against him as he let go of my hand and circled it around my waist lovingly.  
  
"I was reading a book when he walked in. It wasn't until Kumiko nudged me in my ribs did I notice he entered. There he stood, looking as gorgeous and strikingly dangerous. His piercing brown eyes, stared right at me before nodding slightly, acknowledging me. The lecturer asked him to take the empty seat next to mine which he did. In less than an hour, almost all the girls in the university were talking about him. I think he had formed his own fan club not even a month after enrolling in our university."  
  
"He is very handsome..." I said, taking the picture from the table and looking at it again.  
  
"He looks familiar..."Rui said so softly, only I could hear.  
  
"Well, to cut a long story short, we became good friends and soon we fell in love. I left my boyfriend for him. I still remember the fight he got into with Hikaru. Both of them ended up with stitches in the hospital. In the end, my boyfriend told Hikaru that if he ever hurt me, he'll never let him see daylight again. What I didn't know was, Kumiko was in love with Hikaru as well."  
  
"Wow..." I gushed out.  
  
"One night, I didn't know why but I missed Hikaru a lot so I decided to take a cab to his place. Apparently, Kumiko chose to confess her undying love to him on that night as well. I hid behind the lamp post when I saw them both outside his house, sitting on the steps. Although I was too far to hear their conversation clearly, I saw her grab him by the neck and kissed him. All I could do was watch in horror and I felt my blood boil when I didn't see him push her away instantly."  
  
"He kissed her back?" Rui asked.  
  
Aunty Ikano shook her head. "No, he was too shocked at first but after when he realized what was going on, he pushed her away and saw me standing there. He tried to run after me, but I jumped into the first cab I saw. For days, he tried to contact me and explain things but I just wouldn't listen. In the end, it was Kumiko who had to explain everything to me."  
  
"Did you forgive him?" Rui's eyes were wide with interest and I smiled secretly. It was rare to see Rui so interested in something.  
  
"Of course I did! I married him!" Aunty Ikano exclaimed and we all laughed. "But we had to fight to do that. My parents objected strongly to him as well as his. Wherever we went, they manage to track us down and separate us. Sometimes, they manage to keep us apart for a day or two, sometimes months. But they could never make us give up on our love. One night I was really sick, because I refused to eat and was fading away fast. My parents gave in finally and talked to Hikaru's parents and they let us meet. I guess in the end, they gave in because they knew they couldn't tear us apart."  
  
"My time with him was the most happiest of all...although short but it was filled with great memories...the road we choose wasn't the easiest off all. We had to overcome a lot of obstacles but it only made us realize how much we loved each other."  
  
"Sometimes we need things to happen to remind us about love..." Rui said softly.  
  
"Indeed we do...Hikaru passed away one fateful morning after we've been married for 2 years."  
  
"Passed away?" I whispered, shocked.  
  
"Yes...he was suffering from cancer...I was holding his hand when he took his last breathe. His last words to me was 'Thank you for loving me Ikano" but it was actually I should be the one thanking him. He taught me what true life really was...love was freedom..."  
  
"I never found another who could replace him in my heart, that's why I never remarried. I opened this restaurant so I could always be in the place where we found happiness." Aunty Ikano wiped a stray tear and smiled at us.  
  
"It's getting late...you kids better get home...this old lady is going to catch a few winks..." She stood up, and I helped her clear the table while Rui went to get the car.  
  
"He loves you very much..."Aunty Ikano suddenly said to me. "I can see it in his eyes...and yours too."  
  
She touched my hands and sighed softly. "Don't ever let the most important thing in your life go or you'll regret it. Love could be the hardest thing to find in life. Once you've found it, cherish it. You'll never know what will happen next."  
  
"Tsukushi? Are you ready to leave?" Rui appeared at the door.  
  
"I'll be there in a second..." I called out to him and he nodded, disappearing again.  
  
"Thank you Aunty Ikano...you've made me realize a lot of things..." I hugged the old lady tight and she hugged me back.  
  
"Now go...don't let this old hag take anymore of your time away from Rui..." She walked me to the door and waved us off.  
  
"Come back anytime and keep this old lady company alright?" She told the both of us before we drove away.  
  
In the car, I stared at Rui, all the way back to the house, trying to memorize every single feature on his face.  
  
"What are you looking at?" He asked, taking his eyes off from the road for a second.  
  
"Nothing..." I replied and he gave me a weird look.  
  
"You know, Hikaru looks awfully familiar...I've seen his face somewhere...but I just can't remember..." Rui's handsome face twisted into a frown.  
  
"Maybe he has a common look?" I said.  
  
Rui shook his head. "No...I'm sure I've seen him somewhere..." he said more to himself than to me.  
  
"Take your time...it'll come to you when you least expect it." I advised him and he shrugged.  
  
"I guess..."he muttered, turning into the small road leading towards the house. 


	14. A surprise

The rain hasn't stopped for hours. Rui had fallen asleep beside me hours ago. I looked down at him and couldn't help my heart from skipping a beat. The kiss and confession seemed like a dream to me. Can this guy really love me? This guy who looks like a Greek God and seemed to take almost every girl's breathe away even without looking at them? This guy who showed no emotions and seemed so cold? This guy who stood beside me when I needed him?  
  
The answer to all those question...YES. I wanted to jump up and scream with joy but tried to stop myself from doing that because I really didn't want to wake Rui up. After the kiss, he hugged me in his arms, both of us not saying a word and watching the rain fall. I sneaked a look at him once and saw a soft smile on his face. That was when I knew he was truly happy.  
  
Stroking his hair out of his closed eyes gently, I bent down and kissed his forehead. Rui's eyes fluttered open and stared into mine momentarily before breaking into a gentle smile.  
  
"Hi..."He said touching my cheeks.  
  
"Hi yourself..."I didn't know why but I started to blush and looked away quickly.  
  
Suddenly, I heard a weird growling sound and I looked at Rui who was now propped up on his elbows, looking slightly sheepish.  
  
"Sorry...I'm just a little hungry..."He patted his tummy and it let out another growl. "Okay...I'm really hungry..."  
  
I stood up and brushed my hair from my face with my fingers. "I'll go cook something...what would you like to eat?"  
  
Rui shook his head and pulled himself to his feet before walking towards me. "Why don't we go out and eat today...my treat..."  
  
"But...we have so much food here..." I protested but he placed a finger on my lips, silencing me.  
  
"I want to celebrate..."  
  
"Celebrate what?"  
  
"Celebrate 'us'..." he replied and if I was red just now, I was redder now.  
  
I nodded my head and he took my hands, leading me out of the room. Soon we were in his car and before I could say 'waiter', we were seated in a small but cozy restaurant being served by a friendly old lady.  
  
"Ah...to be young and in love...how I missed those times..."She said wistfully, after placing our food in front of us.  
  
"You seemed happy..." I told her while Rui attacked his food.  
  
"Well...at this age...I shouldn't let old troubles bother me right? In life...you have to learn how to forgive and let go...then you'll fine true happiness."  
  
"So aunty...I'm sure you found true happiness already right?" Rui asked swallowing his food.  
  
She gave a soft sigh and a tinge of sadness appeared on her face. "Oh yes...and I'll never forget that time of my life...he was the best thing that happened to me...."  
  
Before she could finish her sentence, a customer walked in, she left to attend to them but we stayed on, even after finishing our food. It wasn't until closing time that Aunty found time to talk to us again. Rui and I helped her shut her restaurant and we sat in the corner with Aunty, talking again with some cakes and coffee on the table.  
  
She told us to call her Aunty Ikano and I could tell, she was glad to have us around to talk to. I was even more surprised when Rui joined in our conversation which he rarely did to strangers.  
  
"Where is he now Aunty Ikano?" I asked and she sighed. She pushed her seat back and disappeared behind the counter only to reappear with a picture in her hands.  
  
"He is in a land where he can be free..." she said softly.  
  
The picture showed a couple in their early 20's clearly very much in love, hugging each other on a swing. I handed the picture to Rui and he stared at it for a long time.  
  
"His name is Hikaru...as in the sun...and boy did his name suit him well. When he smiled, it was brighter than the sun itself and how he brought light into my life again...I met him in a weird manner." Aunty Ikano started her story, with a faraway look in her eyes, recalling her past.  
  
"I had just been proposed by my boyfriend and didn't know what to do. He told me not to give him an answer yet, so I took the ring and placed it in my bag, before leaving his house. I guess I was lost in my own world and didn't hear the motorbike roaring towards me. I realized too late, and couldn't avoid it. But luckily, he swerved and I fell to the ground at the same time as he did. I crawled towards him, hoping that he was alright. Before I could reach him, he sat up and limped towards me."  
  
Under the table, Rui took my hands in his and held it tightly. I looked at him but he was listening intently to Aunty Ikano's story but he squeezed my hand lightly, telling me that he knew I was looking. "My belongings had scattered on the ground and the first thing I saw was the empty ring box, throwing me into panic mode. I started to look around frantically when he suddenly spoke, asking me what I've lost. When I told him I've lost a diamond ring, he didn't hesitate and started to help me find it. I saw that his arm was bleeding badly and tried to stop him, but he just wouldn't listen. He was very stubborn. In the end, he found it and placed it in my hands before picking up his motorbike and ridding off without saying a word. I thought I would never see him again."  
  
"Did you Aunty Ikano? Did you see him again?" I asked, leaning forward slightly.  
  
Aunty Ikano smiled at me and nodded. "At that time, I was a university student and when I went to class, my best friend Kumiko ran up to me and told me that there was a new student in our class. I didn't bother much because my mind was too occupied with the sudden proposal and the accident."  
  
Rui picked up the cup of coffee and sipped it slowly before leaning back against the chair. His hands still clutching mine, he tugged it lightly, pulling me to him. I leaned against him as he let go of my hand and circled it around my waist lovingly.  
  
"I was reading a book when he walked in. It wasn't until Kumiko nudged me in my ribs did I notice he entered. There he stood, looking as gorgeous and strikingly dangerous. His piercing brown eyes, stared right at me before nodding slightly, acknowledging me. The lecturer asked him to take the empty seat next to mine which he did. In less than an hour, almost all the girls in the university were talking about him. I think he had formed his own fan club not even a month after enrolling in our university."  
  
"He is very handsome..." I said, taking the picture from the table and looking at it again.  
  
"He looks familiar..."Rui said so softly, only I could hear.  
  
"Well, to cut a long story short, we became good friends and soon we fell in love. I left my boyfriend for him. I still remember the fight he got into with Hikaru. Both of them ended up with stitches in the hospital. In the end, my boyfriend told Hikaru that if he ever hurt me, he'll never let him see daylight again. What I didn't know was, Kumiko was in love with Hikaru as well."  
  
"Wow..." I gushed out.  
  
"One night, I didn't know why but I missed Hikaru a lot so I decided to take a cab to his place. Apparently, Kumiko chose to confess her undying love to him on that night as well. I hid behind the lamp post when I saw them both outside his house, sitting on the steps. Although I was too far to hear their conversation clearly, I saw her grab him by the neck and kissed him. All I could do was watch in horror and I felt my blood boil when I didn't see him push her away instantly."  
  
"He kissed her back?" Rui asked. Aunty Ikano shook her head. "No, he was too shocked at first but after when he realized what was going on, he pushed her away and saw me standing there. He tried to run after me, but I jumped into the first cab I saw. For days, he tried to contact me and explain things but I just wouldn't listen. In the end, it was Kumiko who had to explain everything to me."  
  
"Did you forgive him?" Rui's eyes were wide with interest and I smiled secretly. It was rare to see Rui so interested in something.  
  
"Of course I did! I married him!" Aunty Ikano exclaimed and we all laughed. "But we had to fight to do that. My parents objected strongly to him as well as his. Wherever we went, they manage to track us down and separate us. Sometimes, they manage to keep us apart for a day or two, sometimes months. But they could never make us give up on our love. One night I was really sick, because I refused to eat and was fading away fast. My parents gave in finally and talked to Hikaru's parents and they let us meet. I guess in the end, they gave in because they knew they couldn't tear us apart."  
  
"My time with him was the most happiest of all...although short but it was filled with great memories...the road we choose wasn't the easiest off all. We had to overcome a lot of obstacles but it only made us realize how much we loved each other."  
  
"Sometimes we need things to happen to remind us about love..." Rui said softly.  
  
"Indeed we do...Hikaru passed away one fateful morning after we've been married for 2 years."  
  
"Passed away?" I whispered, shocked.  
  
"Yes...he was suffering from cancer...I was holding his hand when he took his last breathe. His last words to me was 'Thank you for loving me Ikano" but it was actually I should be the one thanking him. He taught me what true life really was...love was freedom..."  
  
"I never found another who could replace him in my heart, that's why I never remarried. I opened this restaurant so I could always be in the place where we found happiness." Aunty Ikano wiped a stray tear and smiled at us.  
  
"It's getting late...you kids better get home...this old lady is going to catch a few winks..." She stood up, and I helped her clear the table while Rui went to get the car.  
  
"He loves you very much..."Aunty Ikano suddenly said to me. "I can see it in his eyes...and yours too."  
  
She touched my hands and sighed softly. "Don't ever let the most important thing in your life go or you'll regret it. Love could be the hardest thing to find in life. Once you've found it, cherish it. You'll never know what will happen next."  
  
"Tsukushi? Are you ready to leave?" Rui appeared at the door.  
  
"I'll be there in a second..." I called out to him and he nodded, disappearing again.  
  
"Thank you Aunty Ikano...you've made me realize a lot of things..." I hugged the old lady tight and she hugged me back.  
  
"Now go...don't let this old hag take anymore of your time away from Rui..." She walked me to the door and waved us off.  
  
"Come back anytime and keep this old lady company alright?" She told the both of us before we drove away.  
  
In the car, I stared at Rui, all the way back to the house, trying to memorize every single feature on his face.  
  
"What are you looking at?" He asked, taking his eyes off from the road for a second.  
  
"Nothing..." I replied and he gave me a weird look.  
  
"You know, Hikaru looks awfully familiar...I've seen his face somewhere...but I just can't remember..." Rui's handsome face twisted into a frown.  
  
"Maybe he has a common look?" I said.  
  
Rui shook his head. "No...I'm sure I've seen him somewhere..." he said more to himself than to me.  
  
"Take your time...it'll come to you when you least expect it." I advised him and he shrugged.  
  
"I guess..."he muttered, turning into the small road leading towards the house.  
  
A week has gone by since Rui and I arrived in what I would like to think as our little 'haven'. The flowers that Rui had picked for me earlier had been preciously placed in a blue glass vase and now sat on the window sill in my room. I had just finished doing the laundry and cleaned the house while Rui decided to take a short nap.  
  
Earlier on, I had decided to whip us up some Italian cuisine for lunch which I kind off failed miserably. Alright, I admit. It sucked. The spaghetti was over cooked, the cream sauce was a little burnt and the garlic bread was as hard as the stones in the garden. Although the whole meal was terrible, Rui finished eating everything with no complaints whatsoever.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
"Tsukushi! Don't throw that out..." Rui exclaimed, grabbing the bowl of spaghetti from my hands just as I was about to dump the whole contents into the rubbish dispenser.  
  
Frowning, I tried to grab the bowl back but he moved it out from my reach. "We can't eat that! It's horrible!" I cried out, trying to reach for the bowl which he was holding above his head. Although I tried to jump, I still can't reach it. "I'm such a failure!" I moaned finally, giving up.  
  
Rui smiled and placed the bowl back on the counter, his eyes scanning the mess I made in the kitchen. "It looks edible to me." He said, pointing to the sauce and dipping his finger in and licking it.  
  
"You don't have to lie to me. I know my abilities." I told him and he shrugged, grabbing the bowl and spaghetti and sauce to the table and then setting the table before grabbing a bottle of red wine. "We can't have Italian food without a good red wine."  
  
"This is not Italian food." I picked up the garlic bread and shoved it under his nose. "This is rubbish!"  
  
"Stop pouting and let's eat. I'm hungry." He sat down and poured the wine.  
  
"I'll call for pizza." I said, walking past him to the phone but he grabbed my hands as I past him.  
  
"Tsukushi, sit." He looked at me and I sighed and nodded.  
  
After sitting down, he passed me the glass of red wine. "I'm really happy." He told me and I looked at him questioningly. "I'm happy because you tried to cook for me, even though you didn't know how to. And because of that, I'll eat it no matter what."  
  
"You'll get food poisoning." I warned and he laughed.  
  
"No I won't. Even if I did, I'll be happy."  
  
"You're crazy."  
  
"Yes...I guess I am..." He admitted and I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "So, can I have the honor to try out Makino Tsukushi's cooking?"  
  
I nodded and he started to take a bite. I looked as he chewed and then swallowed. He took another bite, chewed then swallowed. No expression on his face that told me it was horrible. I took my fork and tried taking a bite and almost spit out instantly.  
  
"How could you eat that!" I exclaimed, gulping down the wine.  
  
"Because it's made by you. Anything made by you taste good." He told me, still eating.  
  
"Don't eat that." I stood up and tried to grab the plate.  
  
"Tsukushi...stop it." He said sternly and I stopped. "You know why I insist on eating it even if it's bad?"  
  
I shook my head.  
  
"Because you made it for me. You cooked this meal for me, out of your own goodwill. It taste good to me because I'm so happy that even if you didn't know how to cook, you tried, just to make satisfy me. And that's why I love you Tsukushi." Rui looked at me and I smiled.  
  
"Thank you..." I said, sitting back down and he nodded.  
  
*End of Flashback*  
  
The food were all gone, thanks to Rui. I looked at the time and saw that it was already 4:30 and since I had nothing to do, I decided to head over to the garden with one of the books I found in the room and read.  
  
Just as I walked past Rui's room, his door slid open and there stood Rui, his hair tousled and looking gorgeously sleepy.  
  
"Hi sleepy head." I said, giving him a small smile.  
  
"I'm hungry..." he told me in a soft voice.  
  
"But you just had lunch!" I pointed to the clock behind him.  
  
"As you said, 'Had'...."He shrugged and yawned.  
  
"What would you like to eat?" I asked. This is Hanazawa Rui we're talking about. He eats when he's hungry and sleep when he's sleepy. Who are we to argue with that?  
  
"Hmm...let's go to Aunty Ikano's place for some coffee and food." He suggested and I nodded eagerly. I like Aunty Ikano and can't wait to listen to her other stories.  
  
In a few minutes, we were heading down to Aunty Ikano's café, anticipating some cake and coffee. When we arrived, we were surprised to find it closed.  
  
"Is today her off day?" I asked Rui as I tried to look into the windows.  
  
Rui shook his head and shrugged. He looked around and finally nudged me lightly. "Come on, let's go back..." he said and we walked back to the car. I can't help but feel a little disappointed and didn't realized I was pouting until Rui touched my lower lip with his fingers.  
  
"Stop pouting, let's go get some snacks from town alright?" he winked at me and I smiled.  
  
I figured Rui had never been grocery shopping before because as soon as we stepped into the hypermarket, his eyes sort of started shinning excitedly and like a little boy let loose in a toy shop, he started grabbing almost every single item he found interesting off the shelves.  
  
"Urm...Rui...I don't think you'll need that..." I said, trying to keep myself from laughing out loud.  
  
"What do you mean?" He was holding up a box of biscuits and looking at it and then at me.  
  
"It's for babies..."I pointed out and he read the small pink wordings on the box again before placing it back on the shelves.  
  
I couldn't help myself anymore and burst out laughing. Rui who had never blushed before had a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks. The Hanazawa Rui who was popularly known as cold and expressionless is now looking so adorably shy. He had never acted this way before. NEVER. I realized, spending time with him alone really made me know the other side of him. The side that nobody has ever seen.  
  
Rui paid for the stuff we bought and helped piled it into the car. We had bought enough to last us for the next whole month. I did try to put back a few things only to find it miraculously appearing in the trolley again at the check out counter. I asked Rui about it but all he did was shrug and gave me his famous expressionless face.  
  
We reached the house and Rui took my hands in his, only to let it go for a second to unlock the door. "Rui...how about the groceries?" I asked, suddenly remembering about the stuff behind his car boot.  
  
Turning to head back to the car, Rui grabbed my hands, stopping me and turning me to face him. He pulled me gently towards him and I rested my head on his chest as he stroked my hair.  
  
"Thank you..."He said softly. "Thank you for spending this wonderful 10 days with me..."  
  
I looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "No...thank you..." I whispered as he bent down to kiss me.  
  
"SURPRISE!!!!!"  
  
My eyes flew open and the whole house was suddenly flooded with lights. I turned to look and saw Akira and Soujiro smiling at us.  
  
"What are you guys doing here?" Rui's usual cold expression replaced the soft and gentle one just now as he asked his two laughing friends.  
  
Akira stumbled slightly and held up a can of beer. "Is that how you greet your brothers who had been waiting for you for the past few hours!?"  
  
He sounded slightly drunk. I looked at Soujiro who had the same expression as Akira. Great...we now have two drunk idiots to take care off.  
  
"We couldn't get hold of you....when we went over to your place...nobody knew where you were...until I remembered about this holiday house!" Akira explained. "Genius aren't I?"  
  
He suddenly turned to me and frowned slightly. "What are you doing here?" he asked.  
  
Before I could answer Soujiro hit the back of Akira's head softly. "Baka! Where else would Tsukushi be if she's not with Rui!"  
  
"OUCH!!! Stop hitting me!" Akira exclaimed rubbing the back of his head.  
  
I felt Rui gave my hand a gentle squeeze and looked up at him. He shook his head at me and shrugged.  
  
"You know, the three of us were going out of our mind with worry about you two." Soujiro said.  
  
"Three?" Rui echoed softly beside me and I looked past Akira and Soujiro.  
  
"Tsukasa!" I whispered, feeling the blood rushing to my head. He was leaning against the wall, almost hidden in the shadows. 


End file.
